Parenting

Parenting can be tough.

For two days in a row, Lukas has cried in the morning, not wanting to go to school. It starts out the minute I wake him up, tears and excuses as to why he needs to stay home. "My throat hurts. My stomach hurts. I think I have a cold. My foot hurts. My arm hurts." Everything he can think of. He doesn't want to get dressed, so I have to help him along and make him get ready for school.

Yesterday, when my mother-in-law arrived to pick the boys up (she graciously drives them two days a week), he clung to me and wouldn't go out the front door. I had to carry him to the car and put him in his seat, then watch as they drove away, knowing he was crying.

This morning, he held onto me outside his classroom door, tears flowing. I am grateful for a wonderful first grade teacher who knew exactly how to handle the situation and coaxed him in with a conversation about the Detroit Tigers!

I have to be honest, this is a tough situation for me. I struggle with when to be sympathetic and when to be a disciplinarian. He hasn't been having problems at school, it's simply that he doesn't want to be separated from me. Half of me wants to cuddle him and half of me finds it frustrating and irritating. Sometimes I feel like I really have no idea how to do this whole "Mom" thing.

I know there comes a point when he crosses the line to disobedience, and then he must be disciplined. That part doesn't come easily to me. I just have the hardest time doing something that I know hurts them, and let's face it, discipline hurts! If it didn't, it wouldn't work. Still, I know it has to be done for the betterment of my children, to shape them into adults who live lives of obedience to God.

As I was thinking about this situation this morning, I realized that God must feel the same way about me. I am created in His image, so if I feel this way about my kids, it must be a reflection of how He feels about His children. The difference, of course, is that I am human and I fail. He is God, and He will never fail one of His children.

When I think about how much I love my boys, I am amazed that God could love me that much - and more! He doesn't want to cause pain and suffering, but sometimes that's what is required to get our attention or bring us to fully surrender to Him.

"If she would just obey, I wouldn't have to do this." I wonder how many times He has said that about me. Far too many, I'm sure.

Here in My Heart

Today is Stefan's birthday.

Nine years ago tonight I was holding my newborn in my arms, marveling at the miracle of new life and a love I never knew I could feel. I love both of my boys so much, and I am grateful that God has blessed me with both of them.

All day long I have been thinking about the words of the song I sang in church on his dedication day:

I don't want to kiss you goodnight
So I'll just keep on holding you tight
'Cause baby, I know
You'll change and you'll grow
You'll get bigger with each morning light
I know that the sky's full of stars
And dreams call your name from afar
I'm anxious to see
All that you're gonna be
But I'm sure gonna miss who you are
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll go
And I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
Each tooth that you gain or you lose
And each time you need bigger shoes
Each step that you take
Will be further away
But to stop you is not what I choose
These fingers that curl 'round my hand
Will do things that no others can
I know you're not mine
But God's own design
And I want you to follow His plan
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll go
And I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

I am grateful to see the way Stefan is growing and developing. He is an amazing kid who loves God with all his heart and always wants to help people. I love being able to sit down and have a conversation with him. He is such a bright boy, gifted in music and so much like his dad when it comes to his ability to grasp technology. His favorite subject in school is science, and someday he hopes to be a pilot.

I want so much for him to be happy. There is still a part of me that misses my little boy, but I will always have that little one in my heart. Since I can't keep him little forever, I pray that he will become a great man of God. I am proud of my son.

Homecoming

It was an emotional homecoming. I knew it would be when Lars and I drove up to the house and I saw the ramp for the first time.

It is beautiful, made out of boards with a natural finish, and it has railings along both sides. It leads up to the front porch of their house, constructed with love by two men from my dad and mom's church in Hartland. They even rounded the edges on the top of the handrail so that if my dad ever has to reach up to grab it, his hand will grip a smooth surface.

It is also a reminder of what my dad has been through. He came into the house for the first time since his surgery and looked out the big window in the front of their house. "I never thought I'd see something like that at my own house," he said. But the tears only glistened for a moment as he added, "unless it was for your mom."

This whole experience has been a whirlwind of emotions - ups and downs and in-betweens. When he left the house before the surgery, he honestly wasn't sure if he'd be coming back. Now he's laughing, listening to his music again, and giving the boys turns with the wheelchair.

One thing that has really made an impression on me through all of this is the acknowledgement that God is good all the time. It's easy for me to look at my dad now and say God is good because my dad came through this okay and is doing well. How would I feel if the outcome had been different? Would I be willing to say God is good if my dad hadn't come home?

Tonight as we had dinner together, my dad told me about a young girl who was on the rehab floor with him who had been in a terrible car accident because a drunk driver hit her. She is learning how to walk again and is working so hard to build her upper body strength. He said one day she was working on one of the machines and looked over at him with tears in her eyes. "Why do I have to do this?" she asked.

I think that is a question a lot of us ask when trials come our way. My dad has served God his whole life. I don't understand why he has had to endure so many physical troubles. Sadly, sometimes there is no logical explanation. We simply live in a fallen world, and bad things happen as a result.

I don't think God gets angry with us for asking why. I think He wants so much to comfort us and assure us that He does have a good and perfect plan. Even when we can't see it. We just have to trust that He is good. All the time.

I am praising God that my dad is doing so well. I'm sure there will be other moments when emotions will overwhelm him. But he holds onto the goodness of God. It has carried him through this difficult time, and it will carry him through whatever hard times may come.

Inspiration

Spring Break arrived with 5-6 inches of snow yesterday morning. After breakfast, the boys and I got out all the snow gear and went out to build an Easter snowbunny.

I confess, we stole the idea from an old picture I found of my mom and Aunt Melba when they were little girls. Well, maybe "stole" isn't the right way to put it. Let's say we were inspired.

My mom went through my grandma's photo album after she passed away in 2005 and scanned in several of the old photos, then gave copies of them to all of her kids. I was looking at all of them not long ago, and then my cousin Heather shared several other old photos with us in honor of my grandpa's 90th birthday.

It's so amazing to look at those pictures of my family members and think of all the stories that are represented there. Memories - some of which have been shared with me and a lot that haven't.

I have been especially intrigued by the photos of my mom and dad when they were younger - pictures of them laughing, holding hands, and having fun together. It makes me sad to realize how hard life has become for them the past several months.

I have learned a lot watching my parents go through these things, but one thing that has really made an impression on me is the incredible attitude they both have. Sometimes, bad things happen. It's a part of life, as hard as it is to accept that. But my mom's motto has always been, "You do what you have to do. After all, God won't let anything happen to you that He won't also give you the strength to handle."

Becoming bitter or angry at God has never been an option for them. In light of the sacrifice Christ made for us, we are required to do so very little. So they are relying on God and trusting that He will use this experience in their lives for His glory.

I am grateful for the amazing godly example my parents are to me, and I pray that I will be that kind of example for my kids, too. My mom and dad inspire me to so many things... even the little things like taking the time to build a snowbunny with my boys.