God is in Control

This has been a week of challenges, both for us and for some of our dear friends.

It started with the news from our friends, Chad and Lisa, that their daughter Olivia was in the ICU after a severe seizure. (Please read my previous two blog posts for more information.) Today we learned that the MRI results showed the abnormalities in her brain are spreading. They will pay another visit to the Cleveland Clinic next week, hoping for some sort of answers.

Then, on Thursday morning, we awoke to rain. It might not have been such a big problem if there hadn't been a rain storm the week before. But the ground here at the Ranch simply doesn't absorb the water, so once again there was standing water everywhere. We were forced to cancel our Ladies' Day events for the weekend because of the flooding.

Today, the boys went to visit one of the retired couples who is currently volunteering at the Ranch, Dale and Judy. They spent several weeks at the Michigan Ranch a couple of summers ago, so we got to know them then, and the boys are pretty fond of them. When they got to Dale and Judy's RV today, only Dale was there. He told them that Judy had flown back to Colorado in the night to be with her daughter, who had what the boys called "a blood vessel burst in her brain."

Lars called Judy to let her know that we were praying for her. Judy told him that tomorrow they will be doing surgery to snip four aneurysms in her daughter's brain. The boys were asking questions, so Lars did his best to explain what that meant. We were actually on our way to Wal-Mart when the whole discussion took place.

When we got to the store, Stefan hopped out of the van and started walking with Lars a few feet in front of Lukas and me. (He is always as close to his dad as he can be.) I heard Lars say to him, "The bottom line is, Stefan, we need to do what we can to make sure we keep our bodies healthy, but ultimately, God is in control." They were far enough ahead of me that I didn't hear the rest, but knowing my husband, it was something to the effect of, "He has a perfect plan for each one of us."

I can't even begin to say how thankful I am for this man. God has given me such an amazing husband who is a wonderful dad to our kids. I didn't deserve such a precious gift.

I know he's right, too. I wish it was easier for me to just acknowledge that God is in control and leave it at that. I worry far more than I should. But in everything that is happening right now, more than I have even shared in this post, I know that God has a perfect plan and a purpose for it all. I'm grateful for a husband who reminds me of that.

Update on Olivia

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for Olivia. Here is an update from Chad that I received this morning:

"Olivia is doing much better. Thanks for all your prayers. She had an EEG yesterday in the PICU and still had abnormal results in the front right and front left of her brain. This means that the only thing keeping any seizures from happening is anti-seizure medication as long as she doesn't have a fever.

We have an MRI at 2pm so she will not be able to eat anything since 8:15am until after MRI because of the anesthesia and risk of vomiting. At this point vitals are great and I can get her to smile so I am feeling a bit better as well as Lisa.

Please keep praying that doctors will have a desire to be extremely proactive with Olivia so we can keep moving forward with answers. Also that God would guide them and reveal His healing for Olivia."

Olivia

Tonight I am asking anyone who may read this to please say a prayer for little Olivia.

Olivia is the 15-month-old daughter of our friends, Chad and Lisa. She spent a day with us last July, and she was such a delight. A month later, she began having seizures. After spending several days in the pediatrics ICU, Chad and Lisa were eventually sent home with her without knowing the cause of the seizures.

Several doctors, tests, and therapy sessions later, they still had no answers. Anti-seizure medications helped, but they didn't eliminate the seizure activity altogether. Even a visit to the Cleveland Clinic didn't result in finding an effective treatment.

What they did discover was a deficiency in a neurotransmitter. Here's the explanation from Lisa's blog: "it simply is a chemical that allows the movement of information from one neuron across the gap between it and the adjacent neuron.This is basically what Olivia is missing in her brain if you would say. And since she is missing Biopterin (a transmitter), her nerves aren't wanting to cooperate and therefore seizures are happening."

They prescribed a medication for Olivia that was supposed to increase her levels to a point where the nerves would begin to work properly. However, Olivia couldn't keep the medication down most of the time. And the seizure activity continued. Her personality changed. She began to cry frequently, and when she wasn't crying, she would often just sit quietly. I noticed the change in her, from a smiling, playful baby to a quiet observer.

She is such a sweet child, it is heartbreaking to see her go through all of this. I can't even imagine what Chad and Lisa are going through. They worry about their little girl all the time. They haven't felt comfortable leaving her with anyone because of the seizures and medications, and caring for her is a 24-hour job.

Today, Olivia had multiple seizures and began vomiting. Lisa called the ambulance, and Chad planned to meet them at the hospital. While in transit, Olivia suffered a very serious seizure that took over two hours for the doctors to get under control. She is now in the pediatric ICU again.

Please pray with me for God's hand of healing on this precious little one. I know she is His delight, and He has a plan for her. It's just hard when we can't see His plan. And please pray for Chad and Lisa. They need His peace and comfort.

Lisa's hope is that Olivia's story will somehow touch others' lives. Let us pray for a happy ending that will be an inspiration to others with similar difficulties.

Lisa's blog ("Our Olivia"): http://borodychukbunch.blogspot.com

The Storm of the Decade

When I was a kid, we used to camp all the time. And it always rained. Not just sprinkles, mind you, but downpours. I actually remember waking up and finding that our air mattresses were floating inside the tent! (Incidentally, I had told my mom the night before that I saw a drop of water come into the tent, but no one believed me.)

We always told our friends to be sure they didn't go on vacation the same week we did. My dad used to joke that if they wanted rain in the Third World countries where they were facing drought conditions, they should just send us over there with a tent. It would rain for sure!

Well, apparently the Kirkland luck has followed me to Arizona. Less than one week after we arrived, the biggest storm of the decade hit the state. Several feet of snow fell in Flagstaff, and the lower areas experienced high winds, heavy rain, and flooding.

Yesterday the high winds sent the dust swirling. It was like heavy fog conditions in Michigan, only it was dust that hung in the air. It was hard to breathe, and we lost power for a few hours.

Then, overnight, the rain moved in. Lots of rain. And since the ground out here doesn't absorb rain the way the ground in Michigan does, it left standing water everywhere. Take a look. Let's just say this is not what Arizona typically looks like!

Pictures of the Boys in Arizona

If you're friends with us on Facebook, you may have already seen these. I thought I'd post them for those of you who might not be on Facebook. There's a little more detail here for each photo, too.

One of the boys' favorite places to visit at the Desert Ranch is the petting barn. Last year, they each "adopted" a chicken and gave them names. Lukas insists that this is his chicken, Chicko. I have no idea if it's really the same one, but he thinks so!








This is the goat named Sundae who was just a baby last year. He's gotten a lot bigger since then. Stefan must have spilled something on the front of his fleece, because Sundae kept trying to lick it.



There is a tree growing in the middle of the barn area, which had to be fenced in so that the animals wouldn't strip the bark. The boys call it "Fort Apache" and have fun climbing the tree. (They are always up in trees!)


The saguaro cactus is only found in Arizona, a small area of Mexico, and a very small area of California. They take about 75 years to get an arm. This one has two pretty big arms, so it must be pretty old. The holes in the surface are from birds, mainly gila woodpeckers, who build nests in the cactus. The boys think it's cool to touch the surface of the cactus. There's enough space between prickers that you can do it without getting poked.




My grandma and aunt gave the boys gift cards to Wal-Mart for Christmas. We decided to hold onto them so they could use them at the Wal-Mart here in Casa Grande. They each found a new bike, and they were so excited!

Simple

Maybe I was born in the wrong time period.

It was the fourth day of our drive from Michigan to Arizona when we headed west out of Albuquerque. New Mexico loomed before us, vast and flat. In my mind's eye, I could picture the cowboys of old, mounted on horseback as they drove their masses of cattle from one spot to another. It was almost as if our van was a time machine, taking us back into the Old West.

I've always thought cowboys were fascinating. It probably has something to do with my dad being the ultimate Roy Rogers fan, collecting cap-guns and leather holsters, and making sure the great westerns were part of our movie library.

For a long time, my life's dream was to own a ranch in Montana. I love the strength and beauty of horses. But I think it's much more than that. I think it's the idea of a simpler life that appeals to me.

I don't mean simple as in easy, no effort required. I mean simple as in less complicated, slower paced.

One of my favorite Christian fiction authors is Lauraine Snelling, and I've been reading her latest book in a series she has written about a place called Blessing, North Dakota. The time period spans from the late 1800's to the early 1900's, and the books detail the lives of a family who has come to America from Norway.

Undoubtedly, life was not easy for them. At times they had to fight just to stay alive. They labored long hours working in the fields and caring for their farm animals. They didn't have modern conveniences like indoor plumbing or adequate medical care.

But life for them was a whole lot less complicated. There was a sense of community and genuine caring for each other. Everyone went to church together, and when they weren't working, they shared meals, went on fishing expeditions, swam in the river, played baseball, or held barn dances together. When someone was in need, everyone rallied around them to help. When someone had a reason to celebrate, everyone joined in the celebration. It was just a natural part of their life in Blessing.

And no one's dinner was ever interrupted by a cell phone.

I said something about this to Lars as we drove. "They worked hard," he said, "but I bet they were a lot happier."

Hmm. I bet so, too.

Modern conveniences and technology have taken the hard physical labor out of our lives. We sit at our computers and spend our evenings in front of the television. Sure, there are things I wouldn't want to live without: my dishwasher, washer and dryer, heat and electricity, a bathroom that's inside the house...

Still, there's something so appealing about life all those years ago. It's the personal connection. The enjoyment of life. The common faith that held the community together when tragedy struck.

That's what I want in life. I want to be a hardworking, happy woman surrounded by people I love. It's that simple.

Lukas

Is there anything more precious than a sleeping child?

Let Your Light Shine

I believe God intended for our paths to cross. There is no other explanation for the turn of events.

After finding a hotel just outside Oklahoma City that allowed dogs, we checked in. Just after getting into the room, however, we discovered that it was not clean at all. We checked out and decided to drive a little longer. The first gas station we found was closed, and our gas tank was nearing empty. So we found another.

God meant for us to pull into the second gas station at that very moment.

"Sir, please, can you help me?" The woman who approached Lars on the driver's side of our van appeared to be in her early 50's with short, red, windblown hair. "I'm broke down and I need to replace my water pump. I found a mechanic who will do it, but I need the money to buy the pump. Anything you could give me would be so appreciated."

It's sad that we live in a society where we have to question someone's motives when they ask for help. Our natural first instinct was to be suspicious. The truth is, so many people out there try to take advantage of kindness, you have to be cautious.

"Where are you traveling to?" Lars asked. I don't remember where she said she was headed, but she explained that she had just come from seeing her first grandchild being born prematurely. She had spent a week with her daughter, who was still in the hospital. She was on her way home when the vehicle had broken down.

"I've been here all day," she said, "and I only have $6.00."

Her husband was with her, also trying to come up with the money to replace the water pump. They had approached several other drivers throughout the day, offering to sell different items they had with them. One trucker had bought a DVD from them, and that was where the $6.00 had come from. The pump cost $52.00.

We sat in the van together for a moment, and Lars looked at me. "What should I do?" he asked. "I feel like I want to help them."

"I'd rather do good than not," was my feeling. Lars took $46.00 out of his wallet, got out of the van, and gave it to them. I watched the gratitude that lit the woman's face. It was money for our trip, money that would have been helpful to have, but money given to help someone in Jesus' name.

I thought back to a message one of our teaching pastors had preached several months ago, talking about our responsibility as believers to help those who are in need. He is the same pastor who led the missions trip Lars took to Siberia in the winter of 2007. I touched Lars' arm. "Wally would be proud of you," I said.

This morning when I woke up, that couple was on my mind. I prayed for their safe return home, for their daughter and new grandchild, and for them to see Jesus in what we did to help them.

If they were con artists, they got more than they bargained for - they got a woman praying for their salvation!

I don't know their names or anything about them, but I believe God put them in my life for a reason.

"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in Heaven." -Matthew 5:16

Road Trip

It's 1982. I'm a skinny 7-year-old kid just about to enter the 2nd grade at a small Christian school in Perry, Michigan.

I-69 hasn't put Perry on the map yet. There is no McDonald's or Burger King on the edge of town, just a little place called Mary's Drive-In at the corner of Main Street and M-78.

It's August, and my family is ending the summer with a bang: a road trip to visit my dad's aunt and uncle in Tumalo, Oregon.

Now, we have always taken family vacations in the summer, but typically they have been camping trips to Northern Michigan. I've never seen anything more grand than the Mackinac Bridge. And my world is still this sleepy town where I love walking down the street, stopping to sit on the lawn tractors outside Gambles, looking at all the wonderful trinkets that line the shelves of the dime store, and savoring the sweetness of a twisted soft-serve ice cream cone at the tiny place right beside the railroad tracks.

We leave on a Sunday, right after my dad gets done preaching in church. I am so excited I can barely sit still through junior church. Finally, we load up our Ford Grenada and the entire family packs inside - my dad, mom, Aunt Denise, 10-year-old sister, 3-year-old brother, and me.

There are no DVD players or handheld electronic game systems to keep us occupied as we pass the hours across the country. It doesn't matter. We are so enthralled with the changing terrain and the anticipation of what is to come, the days on the road seem to pass quickly.

We visit the Badlands in North and South Dakota, and I am fairly impressed. But then, on a snowy August day amid blizzard conditions, we arrive at Glacier National Park. We can't even see it all, because some of the roads have been closed due to the heavy snow. But Montana has suddenly become my favorite state. And I am mesmerized by mountains.

Fast-forward 28 years. I am sitting in the cushioned seat of a van as my family - now consisting of my husband, myself, and our two boys - ventures across the country to the Southwest.

We left today on our four-day journey to Picacho, Arizona. It's a long drive, yes, but I love it. I watch as the snow drifts become smaller and the hills give way to long, flat plains where it seems you can see for miles. Soon the red rocks will begin to rise out of the ground, and I know I will again be awestruck at their majesty. These are not the same mountains that grace the Montana landscape, but I am still enamored by them. They have a beauty all their own.

My thoughts settle on how amazing our God is.

Another memory pops itself into my mind: a cartoon character named Simon whose drawings came to life.

And I think God is the Supreme Artist, able to create breathtaking works with just a word.

I also think that now I know how my parents must have felt all those years ago, listening to enthusiastic games of "I Spy" in the backseat and sharing laughs at the table at Wendy's. (Dad: "Why is it that when we want you to talk loudly and clearly, you don't, but when we want you to talk quietly, you're loud and clear?" Stefan: "Because I'm not calibrated.")

There's just nothing quite like a road trip with the family.

See Him Smile

Here it is again, a part of our repertoire for this weekend's worship set: the song that says, "See Him smile at just the thought of you." Every time I sing those words it stirs something inside me. It's hard to wrap my mind around that concept - that God not only thinks about me, but I bring a smile to His face.

I know I wrote about this very thing a few months ago, when I first heard the song. But I think this gets at the very core of my faith, and that's why it means so much to me. I am a child of God, and He delights in me!

When I think about all the times in my life I have failed Him, it's hard to imagine that He would still look upon me with so much love. There are times when I doubt Him, I question Him. I tell Him what I want Him to do and all too often forget to thank Him for what He has done. Plenty of mornings I lie in bed for an extra half hour when I should be spending those precious minutes in worship and prayer. And plenty of evenings I pick up a really great book while my Bible sits on the shelf.

But certainly I must be doing something right, since He still smiles at the thought of me. Surely I must be doing enough, right?

Wrong. Oh, so wrong. But that's the beauty of it. I don't have to do anything to make Him love me. Can't do anything to make Him love me any more or less than He already does. It doesn't matter what I look like or how pretty I sing. It doesn't matter if I win the Mother of the Year Award, volunteer 40 hours a week at church and give all my money to the poor.

I get it. I really do. Because I have my own kids, and I know how I feel about them. My sons mean the world to me. The thought of them brings a smile to my face. I remember when they were born and all the delightful moments we've shared through the years.

Yes, sometimes they do things that are frustrating - even hurtful to me. They would never intentionally hurt me, but they are kids, they are human, and they were born with a sinful nature. That doesn't mean I stop loving them when they misbehave.

There is not one single thing either of my kids could do to make me love them more or less. They are mine and I love them unconditionally.

That is how God feels about me, only His love is perfect. Mine is just the flawed love of a human mother. His love for me is far too wonderful for me to fully comprehend.

I once heard Annie Chapman say that we often think hatred is the opposite of love, when in reality the opposite of love is fear. And perfect love casts out fear (I John 4:18). Personally, I could use a little casting out of fear.

So I rest in the assurance that the thought of me makes Him smile. This is the intimacy that I long for. A love so deep, so pure, so complete. A love of which I am so unworthy, yet He freely gives because of His amazing grace.

That is why I worship. I don't have much to offer, but everything I have I will give. I will cling to Him with every breath I take. And one day I will see that smile face to face.

Cherish Every Moment

The other night, Lars and I watched the movie Premonition. We enjoy watching movies, and most of them are purely entertaining. But every once in a while, I see a movie that leaves something with me. This was one of those movies.

I don't intend to write a movie review, and quite honestly, I can't even say that I would recommend this movie to everyone. I hated the ending, and most of the movie is pretty depressing. But it made me think, which is more than I can say for a lot of the movies I've seen.

The premise of the movie is that Lina Hanson, played by Sandra Bullock, gets a glimpse of the future and learns that her husband has been killed in a car accident. The rest of the movie shows her piecing together tidbits of information and events leading up to the accident, trying to determine how it happened and how she can stop it from occurring.

If you've seen this movie, I'd be interested in knowing whether it affected you the same way it affected me. If you haven't seen it yet, I should warn you before you keep reading that I am about to tell you the ending.

Here is what particularly struck me about this movie. Linda became obsessed with trying to save her husband's life. She did absolutely everything in her power to try to stop the accident from happening. And in the end, she could not change her husband's fate. All of her attempts to change the course of events only set in motion a different set of events that ultimately led to the same outcome. Only instead of a police officer coming to her door to tell her about the accident, she ended up watching helplessly in horror as it happened right in front of her.

The reality is, we have absolutely no control over the future. Jeremiah 29:11 makes it clear that God has a plan for me. It's already in His mind, and He's not going to change His mind. His plan might include some things I'd rather not go through. But He also promises that His plan is to prosper and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. That means that with every trial He may send my way, He will also send the strength to endure it, and to come out stronger on the other side.

There is nothing I can do to change what God has already planned for me. But there is something I can do. It's something Linda does in the movie, and it's another thing that really stuck with me after we finished watching it. She encourages her husband to spend time with his family. She makes sure he tells their daughters how much he loves them. She makes each day she has left with him count. In a sense, Linda's premonition of her husband's death was a gift. It caused her to think about what was important to her, and to make sure the last moments her husband was alive were full of love.

There are no guarantees for tomorrow. None of us knows when we will breathe our last breath. We can't control the future, but we can control how we will act right here, right now. This movie reminded me to cherish every moment I have with the ones I love, and to make sure they know how much I love them.

A Youth Haven Story Worth Sharing

Youth Haven’s ministry changes lives. It’s a truth I’ve known for a long time, but it still amazes me when I have an opportunity to see firsthand what God is doing in the lives of the precious boys and girls who are a part of our programs.

We often consider ourselves a seed-sowing ministry. Our staff have the privilege of introducing disadvantaged boys and girls to the truth of God’s love. Many of them open their hearts and accept Christ as Savior at Youth Haven. But when a child takes what he has learned at the Ranch and applies it to his life, that is especially rewarding.

At one of the Christmas parties this year, our Children's Program Director introduced Lars and me to the kids. As we walked to the front of the room, one boy said, "He has a wife!" I held back a chuckle. When I talked to the children, I told them that we loved them. I heard one boy say, “She said she loves us!” (The boys were rather vocal that day.) I’m guessing that boy - and probably several others in the room - wasn’t used to hearing that from the adults in his life.

Later, as the children were looking through the toys and gifts they had been given, one boy approached me with a stuffed dog he had received.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, handing the stuffed animal to me. I was touched, but I didn’t want to take away a toy he had been given.

“That’s very nice of you,” I said, “but you should really keep your things.”

“I want you to have it,” he insisted. “God has been telling me to share.”

I thanked him through my tears, hugging him and wishing him a Merry Christmas. I couldn’t argue with a child who was doing what he thought God wanted him to do!

Youth Haven is so much more than nutritious meals, warm beds, and toys at Christmas time. Those things are important, practical ways that we can show the love of Christ to kids in need.

But the ministry here reaches deeper than just the physical needs. It provides caring adults who love troubled kids unconditionally. It teaches them that God loves them and has a plan for their lives. It encourages them to be kind and compassionate to one another.

Youth Haven’s ministry changes lives. And I thank God for allowing us to be a part of it.

Resolutions

Happy New Year!

As I was tucking the boys into bed at about 12:30 a.m. on New Year's morning, Stefan hit me with this question: "So, Mom, what are you going to do to make yourself a better person this year?"

Although I admittedly have lots of areas to work on, I knew he wasn't suggesting I am a bad person in need of improvement. He had been hearing about New Year's resolutions, and he was just curious what mine was.

It's interesting how kids can make you think about things. I've never really liked the idea of New Year's resolutions, quite frankly. I've made them in the past, and by February 1, I've usually failed already. It's inevitable, I guess. Setting lofty goals can either be a huge motivator, or a discouraging reminder of one's shortcomings.

It's not the idea of setting goals that I don't like. And perhaps it isn't even the goals themselves that set me up for failure. It's the way I go about them. It's who I expect to live up to those expectations. Because when I rely on myself, I'll never make it. No matter how hard I try.

I would like to worry less and trust more this year. To gain better control over the fearful thoughts that sometimes take over. To trust God's plan for our lives and His ability to carry us through any difficult circumstances He brings our way.

I would also like to spend more time doing those things that are truly important in life, even if it means neglecting those things on which I sometimes place too high a priority. To choose to play Monopoly or Lego Rock Band for the Wii with my sons instead of busying myself cleaning something that will just be messy again in 5 minutes. My kids want me to play with them, not watch them out of the corner of my eye.

I would like to be slow to anger, abounding in love.

I want people to see Jesus in me.

These are much more than New Year's resolutions. I can't accomplish a single one of these tasks on my own. If I try, I will undoubtedly fail within the next 30 seconds.

So this year, I am asking God to change my heart. Because I can't make myself a better person. But He can. And I know that as I earnestly seek Him, He will.