Looks of Judgment

When our kids were younger, we made the decision to home school them. It was the right option for our family at that time. Still, when people would ask the boys what school they went to and they proudly replied, “We’re home schooled,” I noticed the looks we got. The looks that said, “Oh, you’re one of those families.”

Last year, after much prayer and investigation into different options that were available to us, we put our boys into the public school system. Now there is a whole new group of people that shake their heads at us and give us looks. Looks that say, “I can’t believe you would do such a thing! Do you know what they’ll be exposed to?”

Looks of judgment.

It seems like everyone has an opinion on how I should eat, what I should feed my kids, what my house should look like, what political bandwagon I should jump on, how I should spend the hours in my day, how I should raise my kids, and what I should do if I want to be a good wife. And now, through the magic of blogs, Facebook, and Pinterest, they can share those opinions with me multiple times each day, and explain to me why not doing the things they think I should do makes me a terrible person.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate words of advice that are offered in a loving manner by friends I know genuinely care about me. And I’m certainly not saying if someone sees sin in my life, that person should just keep quiet. These are not at all the situations I’m addressing here.

I’m talking about people who, in most cases, I have never even met, yet they think they have the right to tell me how I should look, dress, think, feel, and act. I am sick of people thinking their way is the right way. For everyone. Period. And if you don’t do things the same way they do, you are simply inferior.

Most of all, I am sick of letting it bother me so much. I’m tired of feeling like I have to explain myself and defend my decisions and try to make everyone happy. Because I can’t. And I shouldn’t.

Do you know the only One who has the right to tell me how to live my life? My Father in Heaven, who bought me with the precious blood of His Son Jesus. I can honestly say that when Lars and I have an important decision to make, we seek God. We pray for His guidance. And we respond to His voice when we hear it. So I guess it really doesn’t matter what other people think.

There are a lot of things I don’t do right. I admit it. I am not perfect. Nobody is. Still, I realize I need to stop being so concerned about what other people think and start concerning myself more with what God thinks.

And I pray that I will never shake my head at someone else and give a look of judgment, but that God’s love will shine through me.

The Change Zone

He called my cell phone and I didn't pick up. I don't know why he called that number instead of our home phone, but he did. And I'm grateful. Grateful because three days later God took him to heaven. Now, nine months after I lost my dad, I have the sound of his voice saved on my phone, telling me he loves me. I did call him back, and we had a wonderful conversation. But I'm so glad I didn't answer my cell phone.

There are reminders of my dad everywhere. A month ago we left for our family vacation: a camping trip Up North. Higgins Lake, Hartwick Pines, the Call of the Wild Museum in Gaylord, the Straits State Park in St. Ignace... and I was flooded with memories of camping with my dad. Hauling stumps out of the woods so we could have the biggest, hottest campfire in the campground. Standing on the shore of Lake Huron, waiting for the Mackinac Bridge to light up. Watching the sawmill demonstration at Historic Mill Creek. And, yes, a little bit of rain.

Two weekends ago, I sat in Spartan Stadium with tears in my eyes as the Spartan Marching Band high-stepped their way onto the field.

And last weekend, I sat in the pew at church while our pastor spoke words that reminded me of my dad. Words that brought more understanding. More healing.

If you have the time, I encourage you to watch this video of the message:

2013-09-08 "Lord, Change Me" Message from TrinityWired Productions on Vimeo.

One of the things I have struggled with since my dad's death is the question of why. Not necessarily why God chose to take him home, but more of why he had to endure so much here on this earth. My dad was one of the most godly men I have ever known. He loved and served God with all his heart. I guess, in a way, I felt like God should have rewarded him more.

And then I heard our pastor talking about this "Change Zone" in which we live. This present life, in which our will, purposes, and dreams are so often at odds with God's will, purposes, and dreams for our lives. Truth is, we can't change ourselves, no matter how hard we try. But God can.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." -Philippians 2:12-13

So, that voice mail message my dad left me? He was in the hospital, about a week and half after undergoing his second leg amputation. Diabetes had taken its toll. His kidneys had failed and he was on dialysis three times a week. But he was recovering well and feeling better than he had for a long time. And he said to me, "I never thought I'd be here. The Lord is doing a great work."

I know now that God used my dad's suffering to bring him to a place where his will, purposes, and dreams were perfectly aligned with God's. He had lost his ability to preach, to play the sports he enjoyed, and even to get up and walk across the room. His health was taken from him, and he could no longer go on the camping trips and vacations he loved. But he was closer to God than ever before. What greater reward could God have given him?

At the end of the church service, our pastor read this Scripture:

Revelation 7:9-11:
"After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:

'Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.'

All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God."

And through the words of our pastor, God painted this picture of my dad, standing in a white robe before the throne. He is not up in heaven focusing on how big his house was, how many people were in his congregation, or how much money he made. He's not demanding an explanation from God as to why he was required to endure the suffering he endured. He is worshiping God for the unspeakable gift of salvation. Because, when it was all said and done, that was the only thing that mattered. And as our pastor suggested, I can just envision him saying, "You did it, God! You brought me through the Change Zone. It was hard, and it was painful, but it was worth it."

So I drove home, feeling like God had taught me a lot. But He wasn't done yet. The very next morning, I found myself thinking about my dad again. Just wanting to tell him that I love him and will miss him until I'm in heaven with him someday.

That's when this question struck me: Is my longing to be with my earthly father stronger than my longing to be with my Heavenly Father?

I miss my dad because he was such an important part of my life. He was an incredible source of support and encouragement to me. He understood me, taught me by word and example, and spent hours interceding for me. He helped shape me into the person I am today. I just liked being with my dad.

Isn't my Heavenly Father all these things to me as well? I should eagerly look forward to every opportunity to spend time in His presence here on Earth. And I should be longing for the day when I will finally be home. When I will stand before His throne and all that will matter is that He saved me. 

Yes, right now I am definitely in the "Change Zone." I'm sure God has a pretty long list of things to change in me. I'm ready.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget.

I don't mean to be self-absorbed. I don't want to be the spoiled child who overlooks everything her father does for her, simply because she's too preoccupied with what she wants, the way she thinks things should be. But, I'm ashamed to admit, sometimes I am that child. Because I forget.

It's easy to focus on how much I miss my dad and forget to be grateful that God gave me 38 years with a pretty amazing dad. A dad who would gladly stay home to play with us rather than going out for the evening. Who spent more time teaching than scolding. Who never caused us to doubt his love or wonder if he was proud of us. Whose example spoke louder than his words.

I get so wrapped up in my own hurt that I forget there are people who would have given anything to have a dad who taught them about Christ or spoke kind words to them. Truth is, the hole that has been left in my life is only felt because he was all those things to me. And I wouldn't trade that for any number of extra years with him here on this earth.

Sometimes I forget.

I'll be honest, I'm not much of a social butterfly. I'm not at all comfortable in large crowds, especially when I'm required to make small-talk with people I don't know. And let's face it, life moves along at a pretty fast pace. So when I have a few moments free of plans, calling someone up with a simple, "Hey, let's grab coffee" is usually the farthest thing from my mind. I am sorry to say, even those people I consider my friends are sometimes neglected. Because I forget.

I forget how much we need each other. But today at church, a sweet friend put her arm around me and told me how sorry she was that I was missing my dad so much. She reminded me how blessed I am because of the relationship I had with my dad. I didn't even realize how much I needed that until she took the time to love me as a sister in Christ.

Oh, why do I forget these things?

And then I stood on the stage and sang the words, "This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry... I will bring praise, I will bring praise! No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice, I will declare God is my victory and He is here."

I spent a year living in a little town called Eloy, Arizona, right in the middle of the Sonora Desert. It is hot. It is dry. There are rattlesnakes. Having been back in Michigan for a couple of years, it's easy to forget what the desert feels like. And yet sometimes that's exactly how I feel, deep down inside. It's so hot and so dry that all the life has gone out of me, and there are venomous snakes threatening to attack from all sides. And the truth of this song is, I have to choose to give God praise in those moments. Instead of being that self-absorbed child, throwing a temper tantrum and begging Him to do things my way, I choose to bring praise. Even when I don't understand. Because I don't have to understand. I just have to trust.  Because He is right here with me in this hot, dry place, and He will be my victory over the enemy's attacks.

Psalm 103:1-5
¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Why I Find the Princess Merida Makeover Disturbing

I read an article yesterday (which you can read by clicking here), and it crumbled a bit more of my already eroding respect for the Walt Disney Company.

In a nutshell, they have created a "glammed-up" version of Princess Merida, the star character of the movie Brave, for release into the Disney Princess line. The article states, "Bow-slinging Merida has been given a makeover in advance of her official induction into The Disney Princess Collection. She now appears slimmer, older and somewhat sexualised, in comparison to the teenage tomboy from last year's Oscar-winning animation."

Take a look at the transformation. Here is Merida as she appeared in the original film: untamed hair, no make-up, disgusted that she is required to wear a tight dress in which she can hardly breathe. Hours of practicing etiquette and lessons in how to be a "proper" lady have succeeded in only one thing: affirming that this is not who she is cut out to be. Her loud objections to being forced into a mold she was not created to fit are finally heeded by her mother in the end, and she is able to take on the responsibilities of being a princess without having to change who she is. Ironically, the very characteristics of Merida that are celebrated in the movie are the ones Disney chose to change. Below is the made-over version of Princess Merida:

 Let me tell you why I find this so disturbing.

First of all, and I know my friends who are parents of daughters would agree, this makeover reinforces to young girls everywhere the false idea that simple is not beautiful. Plain is not desirable. As she appeared in the movie, Merida wasn't good enough. They had to give her lustrous hair, seductive eyes, fuller lips, and a curve-hugging dress that the real Merida would have detested. Once again, girls are given the message that, in order to be worth something, they must meet some exceptionally high and utterly unattainable standard of physical beauty, set by some Hollywood mogul who doesn't have a clue what true beauty is. It's no wonder we have girls starving themselves to be thin and feeling like they will never measure up. Won't someone please tell them they are daughters of the King, and they are precious in His sight?

I have boys, though, so why should this upset me so much? Just because they are boys does not make my children exempt from the harm this message causes!

My boys have never been into the "princess movies." I can't say that I blame them. For generations, Disney has been portraying the scenario of the damsel in distress, a beautiful but helpless young woman who needs to be rescued by a handsome prince in order for her dreams to be fulfilled. Cinderella. Snow White. The Sleeping Beauty. One sits crying in the garden or her bedroom while a fairy godmother and human-like mice come to her rescue. Another runs away from her problems and ends up becoming a maid for seven little men in a cottage in the woods. And another simply sleeps until the handsome prince awakens her with a kiss.

Then came Ariel, the Little Mermaid. At least she had a free spirit and the ability to think for herself. Still, we find her making a complete mess of things and needing to be rescued. At last, Belle. A simpleton. An intelligent bookworm who has no time for the town hottie that thinks too highly of himself, but would willingly sacrifice her life to save her father. Now, there's the kind of woman I wouldn't mind my sons going after. Except, once again, we see the simple country girl transformed into a glamorous princess in the end. And the message is, "Whew. Thank goodness she never has to go back to her simple life again!"

When Disney released Brave, I convinced them it would be a good flick for family movie night, with multiple assurances that it was not a "princess movie." We loved it. All of us. Even the boys. And, mostly, it was because Merida wasn't the stereotypical Disney princess. She had spunk. She was brave, intelligent, independent, and a better shot with a bow and arrow than any man around. And she was beautiful even without makeup, with hair that was often a tangled mess, and in spite of - or, perhaps, because of - her intense loathing for too-tight dresses. The transformation in Merida at the end of the movie was not a physical transformation, but one of mental and emotional maturity. Turns out, she might just become "a wife of noble character" yet! (Prov. 31:1)

That is, until Disney decided that Merida wasn't quite up to "princess" standards. Now, what does this Princess Merida makeover tell my boys? Forget about the qualities that made Merida a noble character in the movie. You want someone thin and curvy, with thick, gorgeous hair and ravishing blue eyes. If you can get a woman like that, you're lucky. Way to go, man! You must be something special if she's your girlfriend.

This is not the message I want my boys receiving! I want them to value a woman for her devotion to her Heavenly Father. For a heart that is loving, compassionate, and full of mercy. For being a woman (and, someday, a wife) of noble character, strong, intelligent, resourceful, hard-working, and committed to her family. For a spirit not of fear and timidity, but of love, and of strength, and of a sound mind (II Tim. 1:7). I do not want them to base their idea of a woman's value on how well she fits a misguided Hollywood perception of beauty. 

I am tired of boys being fed lies about what makes a woman beautiful and desirable. I am tired of sexuality being in front of their eyes everywhere they turn. And I am frustrated that Disney felt the need to perpetuate that by turning Merida into the very person she didn't want to become.

Experiencing Grief

It's been just over four months since my dad went home to be with Lord. As the weeks passed, it was easy to develop a standard answer when people would ask me how I was: "Overall I'm doing okay. I have my moments, but I'm doing fine." That's the "safe" answer. It doesn't require any emotional investment.

But on Friday, a friend of mine worded it this way: "How has it been for you?" That's a very different question. He was not looking for the superficial answer; he wanted the emotionally invested, real, un-sugar-coated truth. It got me thinking that maybe sharing my experience with grief could be helpful to others.

I am sure everyone experiences grief differently. These are my experiences. If you have been through the loss of a loved one, you might read this and realize you are nothing like me. Or, you may read this and take comfort in knowing you're not alone in what you've felt. If you haven't had that kind of loss in your life, count yourself blessed. Maybe this will help you know how to encourage, comfort, and pray for those who have.

I don't think you are ever really prepared for someone you love to leave this world. We knew my dad was in poor health. We had even talked about the fact that we needed to be prepared for the possibility of his homegoing. He had been in and out of the hospital several times over the past few years, but he had always come through okay. So when he was recovering well after his second leg amputation, I thought he was through the worst of it. Over the hump. Not long and he would be home again. I just didn't expect it to be his heavenly home.

I went to the hospital with my mom the morning we received the phone call. Our hours there were simply too personal to share. All I will say is that, walking out of his room and closing the door was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Harder than the funeral, harder even than the graveside service.

I think part of that is a personality thing with me. I can often deal with difficult things as long as I can prepare for them. I expected it to be hard, meeting with the funeral home director, putting together picture boards, and of course the entire day of the funeral. I had mentally prepared myself. I had prayed and begged God for strength. Although it hurt so much to say goodbye, God strengthened all of us through those moments.

What surprised me was how difficult the weeks that followed would be. I had doubts and questions about God and heaven that I had never had before in my life. Thoughts whispered to me by the evil one that could only be refuted by crying out to God and allowing Him to reveal Himself to me in a new way. I was really not angry with God or accusing Him of anything. I just wanted so desperately to understand why, and to feel like my dad will still be my dad when I get to heaven. And, here's the thing: I don't believe God was either surprised by my doubts and questions or angry with me for having them. He is bigger than my questions, and He can handle them. He knew the pain I was going through, and He answered gently. (If you'd like, you can read more about that in my previous post, "It's Not Fair.")

It seemed strange to celebrate Christmas without him, especially since he was always so excited for Christmas. It was good to be together as a family, and we did laugh together and enjoy the happiness of the holiday. But even that felt a little bit wrong, and there was a sense of sadness that my dad wasn't with us.

Then, when my grandpa died so soon afterward, it was like going through it all over again. He was in so many of the family photos, and it just seemed like he should be there with us. With my mom. It just didn't feel right at all.

And then there was the "new normal" - when the kids went back to school, we went back to work, and the outpouring of sympathy tapered off. It's funny, at one point I just wanted people to stop talking to me about my dad, because it hurt so much. But when it actually happened, I was struck with the realization that life had gone on for all of them, but for my family it will never be the same. There is an emptiness that is felt anew every time something happens that he would have been a part of, or that I would have called to talk to him about. A Michigan State basketball special came on TV, and I thought, "I wonder if Dad knows this is on." I couldn't even watch the first few games after that. The boys are starting Little League games in a couple weeks, and that will be hard, because Dad loved coming to their games. There's Stefan's piano recital, the boys' birthdays, my niece's high school graduation, Memorial Day Family Camp at Camp Barakel...


I guess one of the biggest struggles I've had is feeling like, if I have the hope of heaven, it shouldn't still be this hard. I sing worship songs with lines like, "Oh, death, where is your sting?" and "This is my Father's world, why should my heart be sad?" and I wonder if I'm wrong for the sadness I still feel. But I really don't think I am. Being a Christ follower doesn't make you immune to the hardships of this world or the natural emotional responses to those hardships. Jesus knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, and still he wept. The truth is, no matter how grateful I am that my dad isn't suffering anymore, and no matter how much I'm looking forward to seeing him again in heaven someday, that doesn't take away the pain of missing him now. I am so thankful for that hope, though. I really don't know how people who don't have that hope ever make it through something like this.

I was always "Daddy's girl." I was so much like him in personality, I felt like he understood me better than anyone. It's hard to lose that. He was such an important part of my life. When other friends who had lost a parent gave me words of encouragement right after my dad passed away, I took great comfort from them. But I didn't really understand that they still grieve, too. I don't think it ever goes away. You just learn to accept it as a part of your life now. And I'm really okay with that. I don't want the sadness to go away completely, because it reminds me how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. I don't ever want to forget that.

I think the experience of grief is a lifetime journey. But God is walking me through, and He has already shown me so much. I have felt His love and seen His goodness in so many ways - sometimes even in the little things you'd think such a big God wouldn't care about. But He does. And I am so grateful that He does! I believe He grieves with us and hold us in His arms when our hearts are breaking, just like my dad used to when I was a little girl and hurt myself.

I came across this a couple weeks ago, and I think it is the perfect way to close this blog. It's a call made by a 13-year-old boy to a radio station. Maybe you've heard it before. I think it's an amazing truth anyone who is grieving should remember.

Praying Scripture for my Children, Day 11

I originally had fourteen days worth of Scriptures picked out for this blog. As it turns out, some of them went together so nicely that I combined them, so I've only ended up with eleven days of blogging my prayers. I don't know where I'll go from here, whether I'll look for more Scriptures or pray the same ones again. I am trusting that as I continue to read God's Word, the prayers for my kids will flow out of what I hear God speaking to me each day. Thanks for taking the time to read these prayers. Here is Day 11.

Thessalonians 5:17-18
Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Father, I ask that you would make my boys prayer warriors who are in constant communication with You. I pray that they would be mindful of You every moment of every day, and that speaking with You would be as natural to them as speaking to their dad and me is.

Lord, I pray that You would grant them a special ability to give thanks in all circumstances - to acknowledge every blessing in their lives and to recognize You as the source of those blessings, always giving You thanks. And not only when times are good, but also when times are hard. I ask that they would be able to see Your purpose behind every difficult circumstance and give You thanks, not because they are immune to the sadness and strife life can bring, but because they are resting in Your goodness and Your faithfulness to them.

Please help them not to struggle with fear and anxiety, Lord. I know firsthand what a struggle this can be, and I just ask that You would help them to overcome this tendency to worry about things incessantly. Help them instead to bring their fears, worries, and needs to You, placing them all in Your hands and leaving them there. I pray that they would know such intimacy with You that they will cry out to You in their time of need. I pray that they would not be afraid to ask You for miracles, and that they would never doubt Your ability to do the impossible - all the while remembering and thanking You for what You have already done in their lives.

Father, I pray that You would fill them with Your peace even through their most trying times in life. That Your peace would carry them through those moments, with utter confidence in You even when it doesn't make sense to our limited human minds. That Your peace would permeate and safeguard their hearts, strengthening their devotion to You. And that Your peace would protect their minds from entertaining doubts, accusations, and lies from the evil one who wants to turn them away from You.

Please use the prayers of my children to accomplish great things here on Earth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Praying Scripture for my Children, Day 10

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Father, we are doing our best to train up our children in the way they should go.  Thank You for the guidance and direction You have given us over the past thirteen years. Thank You that both of our boys have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. They are such good boys, and I thank You that I see in them a genuine love for You and desire to serve You.

I ask that You would continue to guide and direct us as parents, and that You would also give the boys a clear understanding of what it means to love and serve You. Help them to love You with all their hearts, souls, and minds. I pray that nothing would be able to sway them from that, so that even when they are old it can be said of them that they have loved and served You all their lives.

Father, I pray that the things they have learned and continue to learn about You will be always on their hearts. I pray that they will spend enough time in Your Word to know what You have commanded, and that they would hide Your Word in their hearts.

Lord, I pray that one day You would bless them with children of their own, and that You would help them to be wonderful, Godly fathers to their children. Please help them to teach their children about You, about grace, about the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and His glorious resurrection. Help them to teach their children what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ and follow him wholeheartedly, and to exemplify that in their own lives.

I pray that they would teach their children the things You have commanded in Your Word, and that those conversations would be part of each and every day, as they experience life together. Please help them to be highly involved in their kids' lives, showing interest, engaging them in conversations, and spending time with them. Guide and direct their conversations and give them wisdom as they talk to their kids about You and how You would have them respond to different circumstances in their lives. I pray that You would be a natural part of their conversations at home and when they are out in the world, when they tuck their children into bed each night and wake them up in the morning.

In their role as father, please help my boys to show their children the kind of loving Father You are. Help them to be quick to listen and slow to speak, quick to forgive and slow to become angry. I pray that they would not do anything that will create a spirit of animosity between their children and them, or stir up anger and bitterness, but that they would maintain a strong and loving relationship with their children as they grow up. I also pray that they would be a constant source of encouragement to their kids, rather than discouragement. Help them to focus on the good rather than criticizing them. Help them to strengthen and build their children up, and never tear them down. And please help their children to come to know You as a result of what they see in their father.

Lord, I love my kids so much, and I want so much for them. I can teach them a lot, but I cannot teach them how to be fathers. Their dad is a great example to them, but, ultimately, their guidance and wisdom as fathers must come from You. Even now, please begin to mold and shape them into the Godly men and fathers you want them to be. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Praying Scripture for my Children, Day 9

Ephesians 5:25-28
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Father, I pray that, even now, You would prepare my sons' hearts to love their wives with a deep and enduring love, unlike any love they have ever known. I don't know who she is right now, but I believe You do. I don't know when and where You plan for them to meet, but I ask that You would bring a godly young woman into each of their lives. And when You do, please fill them with a love that goes beyond mere feelings to something far greater. Strengthen my sons and their future wives to maintain their purity before they are married, and to guard their hearts and remain always faithful to each other after they say, "I do."

Yes, there will be times when they are overwhelmed by feelings for their wives. In those moments, help them to be grateful for the precious gift a wife is to a man. But not just in those moments, Lord. I pray that they would never take their wives for granted, but treasure them above all earthly things. Even when she does something frustrating, annoying, or even hurtful. There are bound to be times when they hurt each other or let each other down. After all, they are both human. Please make them quick to forgive, and please help my boys understand that to love a wife the way You designed means being willing to give themselves up for her. Sacrificing their own needs and desires for her. Denying themselves in order to protect, strengthen, encourage, help, and build her up. 

If ever I want to see my boys give themselves wholly to someone, it is first to You, and then to their wives. Help them to make their wives and their marriages second priority only to You, and to devote their time and energy into strengthening their marriages and making their wives feel adored. Help them to get to know her intimately, to spend time learning and studying her character, her personality, her past experiences, her hopes and dreams. I pray that they would celebrate her strengths and be strong where she is weak. And I pray that, in turn, their wives would love, support, and encourage them as they journey through life together.

I ask that You would help my boys see the incredible responsibility they bear for their wives. Christ shed his own blood in order to cleanse his bride, the church. If this is the example my boys are to follow, then they must be ready to give everything for the spiritual wellbeing of their wives. I pray, first of all, that they would only choose to marry a woman who has accepted Christ as her Savior, and who is fully devoted to Jesus Christ. I pray, second, that You would make my boys strong spiritual leaders in their homes. 

I know they cannot cleanse or purify their wives; only the blood of Christ can make them blameless and holy. I just ask that they would never do anything that would cause their wives to sin or draw them away from You in any way, but that their wives' relationship with You would be of utmost importance to them. Make them prayer warriors, spending time on their knees praying for their wives, and encouraging them in their walk with You. And please help their wives to respect them and submit to them as spiritual leaders in their homes. 

I pray that my boys and their wives would seek after You with all their hearts. Make them like minded, with the common goal of following and glorifying You in all they do. Help them to love their wives selflessly, and help their wives to respond with that same kind of love for them. Father, I pray that you would bless them with a happy marriage, and that their wives would truly be their best friends. Please help them to care for their wives with as much diligence and attention to detail as they take care of their own bodies. I pray that they would never be manipulative or motivated by personal gain, but that they would recognize that loving their wives in the way You have instructed brings about rewards. 

Please help them to love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Praying Scripture for my Children, Day 8

Ephesians 3:14-19
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Father, I bow before You, knowing I am not worthy to approach the Throne of Grace except by the blood of Jesus Christ that covers me. Thank You for the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, which makes it possible for me to be called Your child and You my Father. 

You alone are worthy of all praise and adoration, and Your heaven is magnificent in all its riches. Father, I ask that out of all the riches of the splendor of heaven you would give my children strength. I do not ask for gold, silver, or earthly riches. I know You have a plan and a purpose for each of their lives, and I ask that You would strengthen them for whatever plans You have laid out for them. Uphold them through the storms and trials that come their way and sustain them with the understanding that You are good, and Your way is perfect. Fill them with the power of the Holy Spirit, that they would boldly stand for You in the midst of a world that seems to be turning away from You. Give them power to proclaim Your Name, conquer the enemy, and do the impossible in the name of Jesus Christ. Oh, Father, this is what I want for my children so desperately.

Thank you that they have both accepted Christ as their personal Savior and that, through their faith in You, Christ has come to dwell within their hearts. May this always set them apart, holy unto You. Help them to remember that the same Christ who rose from the grave and conquered death lives within them! May they never forget He is the source of their strength, and it does not come from their own efforts.

I pray that love would be what anchors them. That it would be the motivation for everything they do. That they would wake up each morning saying, "How can I show the love of Christ to someone today?" I pray that they would be so rooted in love that it would define and characterize them as a natural part of who they are. I pray that others truly would know they are Christians by their love.

Father, I ask that You would give them a supernatural understanding of Your love for them. Help them to see that Your love has no limits; it cannot be measured because its width and length and height and depth are infinite. Nothing can separate them from Your love or change the love You have for them. Help them to know that love, which is really beyond all human understanding. In Your goodness, open their eyes and reveal Your love to them. Cause them to grasp just how relentless Your love is. And help them to respond with a relentless love and pursuit of You.

And, Lord, I ask that You would empty them of all selfishness, pride, self-reliance, and earthly desires, so that they can be filled with You. Fill them until there is no room for anything else. They are Yours. In Jesus' name, Amen.