Finally... an Update!

Yes, it has been a while since I last updated my blog. And, yes, I am once again committing to doing a better job at keeping it up. It's amazing how time can get away from you, and suddenly you're left wondering where the past six months have gone.

So, to fill you in on the past six months of our lives...

In August, we took a trip to the Air Zoo in Kalamazoo with my brother's family and my dad. My dad was still in a wheelchair at that point, but it was so nice to have him out doing things with us! He has since gotten a prosthetic leg and just completed his physical therapy. Overall he is doing well, and I know he and my mom are grateful for the prayers, love, and support of so many people. The Air Zoo was a blast, and the boys have been begging to go back ever since.

School started in September, and with that came a lesson from God on following His leading and expecting Him to work in ways that change our plans! We had decided to homeschool the boys, knowing that we would be taking an extended trip to Arizona in the middle of the school year. We began school on a Monday, and the next day Lars took a call from Lansing Christian. They wanted our boys back in school and were willing to work with us in order to make that possible. We were given a tuition scholarship to put the school expenses within our budget, and it was agreed that the boys could be absent for our trip to Arizona. So, the following week, they started school at Lansing Christian.

After the first marking period, we decided it would be good for them to make the adjustment back to homeschooling before we left for Arizona. We have been homeschooling since the beginning of November, although they are still taking art classes and going on field trips with their classmates at Lansing Christian. Their teachers have included them in all the special things, like dissecting a sheep's eyeball (I helped!) and class Christmas parties. Looking back, I can see God's hand in keeping them connected with their friends while still being able to take our trip to Arizona and give them one-on-one instruction in a homeschool setting. They honestly have the best of both worlds. And they don't have to get up so early to make a 40-minute drive to school each day!

In October, we took a family vacation on Mackinac Island. Some friends had generously offered us the use of their cottage on the Island for an entire week! We had a great time, and we discovered the fun of geocaching. Looking for the different caches took us off the beaten path, so we saw parts of the Island that we never knew existed. At the end of our trip, some friends from Lansing Christian joined us for a few days. It was great to hang out with them and get to know them better, too. What a great, relaxing time as a family!

(Also in October, Lars and I flew to Arizona to help Family Life Radio during their Sharathon. I saw my first live diamond- back rattlesnake, and it was fascinating!) Halloween was another highlight of October. The boys dressed as cowboys and went trick-or-treating with their friends from Lansing Christian. Even Pudge had a cowboy costume, although he wasn't very fond of it!

November was a busy time of adjusting to home- schooling, preparing for the holidays at Youth Haven, and singing at church. We also spent a day at Uncle John's Cider Mill for our first homeschool field trip. We enjoyed Thanksgiving with the Carlson family, knowing we have so much to be thankful for!

December has been the busiest month, as it usually is. Lars and I celebrated 14 years of marriage on December 2, and I am so grateful for the love we share. Stefan had a piano recital on December 12, and he did a fantastic job. The photo is of him with his piano teacher, who is amazing with his students. We are so proud of both our boys. We've spent lots of time at parties this year, both at school and Youth Haven. It's such a heartwarming time to see the Youth Haven children receive their gifts. I have a touching story to tell about one boy in particular, but that will have to be another blog post, since this one is already quite long. Christmas itself was wonderful, too, and the boys declared it "the best Christmas ever!" I have to agree with them. I enjoyed the time with family, but most importantly, remembering the birth of Christ. Having my own kids has enabled me to appreciate God's gift of His Son in a much deeper way.

God is good all the time, and I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve. I hope all my friends are able to say the same. As 2009 comes to a close, I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring, knowing that God has His plans already laid out. And I wish you a blessed New Year, too! I promise it won't be so long before I write again.

Snippet

This weekend I am serving on the worship team at church. It seems like each time I'm on, I come away from the service with one snippet that was just what I needed. I love how God does that.

We have a guest worship leader from the Grand Rapids area whose name is Curt Coffield, and he wrote one of the songs we are singing this weekend. Here is one line from that song that was just the thing I needed to hear this week:

"See Him smile at just the thought of you."

Wow. God smiles at the thought of me. I am so unworthy of His love, but so incredibly grateful for it!

Camping

I did it. I survived my first camping trip as an adult.

It really wasn't a new experience for me. In fact, we used to go camping all the time when I was a kid. I'll admit, I have a wealth of great memories from our family camping trips - of sitting around the campfires talking late into the evening, of fun places we visited, of swimming, fishing and playing in the woods with my sister and brother.

But I also have plenty of memories of sitting in a tent, coloring, waiting for the rain to stop. Or waking up in the morning with our air mattresses floating. Or dashing from the tent to the car in the middle of the night while lightning flashed around us. These memories are the reason I swore I would never go camping when I was "grown up."

So when my brother called a few months ago and asked, "Has Lars talked to you about the Kirkland family camping trip?" my first response was, "Do I have to go?"

But it was only for two nights, and my sister-in-law had agreed to go only if I went. I did think it would be fun for the boys to go camping with their cousins, and we have a nice tent (which up until then had never been used), so I agreed. Three days, two nights at Higgins Lake State Park.

Now, here's what you have to know about me. It's not the dirt or sleeping on the ground that bothered me. I don't particularly like getting dirty, but I can deal with it. And the air mattresses we have are comfortable enough for a few nights. I wasn't even too concerned about rain, because my sister and her family were bringing a pop-up camper with a supply of board games. (She learned from our camping experiences as kids!)

The real problem is, I have a fear of germs, and consequently I hate public bathrooms. Avoid them at all costs. It is almost a paranoid phobia of mine, using a public toilet. Gross. And when you're at a state park for three days and two nights, you have to use a public bathroom.

I am learning, though, that when I am willing to face my fears instead of letting them rule my life, God gives me a strength I didn't know I had. I refuse to allow my fear to keep me from spending time with my family, or to rob my kids of these kinds of fun experiences. This was no exception.

No, God didn't miraculously transform the campground bathroom into a private spa. He didn't even zap it clean for me. It was, admittedly, pretty gross. But He did give me peace. For three days, I was not afraid of public bathrooms. And guess what? No one got sick or contracted a terrible disease as a result of using them!

My point is, we had a great time together as a family. My sister's family, my brother's family, my family, and even my Aunt Darci and her family were all there. My mom and dad came up for one day, but they couldn't stay the whole time because of my dad's dialysis. We hung out at the lake, shared meals together, and sat and talked for hours around the campfire. It was fantastic, and completely relaxing. And it didn't even rain until we were all packed up and ready to head home!

But it wouldn't have happened if I had let my fears win. To me, this is a huge victory, and it really has less to do with camping and more to do with taking my fears captive. A life full of fear is lonely and empty. I choose a life that is not ruled by fear, but by a reliance on God's strength.

As David wrote in Psalm 18, "The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer. My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge." When I dwell on this instead of letting my fears take over, He will give me the strength to overcome those fears. And life will hold so much more as a result!

Happy Birthday, Lukas!

Lukas turned 7 on Friday. My boy is growing up! He still likes to spend time with Mom, though, and I am grateful for that. I hope he will always feel that way, but I'm sure there will at least be a phase when Mom is not cool. For now, I'll take every kiss, hug, and snuggle I can get!

Lukas was always my "cuddler" and loved to be held and rocked, much more so than his brother. So, in honor of his birthday, I thought I would write out the words to the lullaby I used to sing to him when he was a baby.

This song describes the way I feel about my son just as if I had written the words myself.

Angel's Lullaby
By Richard Marx

I was never alive
Until the day I was blessed by you.
I hold you late at night
And know what I was put here to do.
I turn off the world
And listen to you sigh,
And I will sing my angel's lullaby.

Know I'm forever near,
The one you can always call.
Right now all you know to fear
Are the shadows on your wall.
I'm here, close enough
To kiss the tears you cry,
And I will sing my angel's lullaby.

So tell me how
To stop the years from racing.
Is there a secret someone knows?
I'll never catch
All the memories I'm chasing,
Never be ready to let go.

And when the world seems cold,
You feel that all of your strength is gone,
There may be one tiny voice,
Your reason to carry on.
And when I'm not close enough
To kiss the tears you cry,
You will sing your angel's lullaby.
Let this be our angel's lullaby.

Job Description for a Mother

This one is for you, moms. A little late for Mother's Day, but relevant nonetheless.

I've decided we don't give ourselves enough credit for all we do. It's so easy to look at the ideal woman in Proverbs 31 and become discouraged, feeling like we could never live up to such high standards. So I thought it would be a good idea to just stop and think about all we do for the families we love.

Job Description for a Mother:

• Be the first in the household to awaken each morning. Spend some time reading the Scriptures and in prayer, asking for God to guide you through your day.
  
• Cheerfully awaken your children and coach them through the process of getting ready for school. This may also include getting a grouchy child dressed and/or brushing his teeth for him.
• Prepare a delicious, nutritious breakfast.
• Pack a delicious, nutritious, portable snack and lunch for children headed off to school, or make sure they are equipped with lunch money.
  
• Ensure that all children leave for school with the required supplies for the day. In the winter this includes not only homework and library books, but hats, boots, and gloves, sufficiently dried out from the day before.
• In the time left before heading out the door, make sure you look nice enough to be seen in public.
• Drive the kids to school or arrange other transportation for them.
• Some moms may be required to work outside the home while their children are in school.
• Serve as liaison between your children and their teachers should a misunderstanding arise.
  
• Pick the kids up from school at the appropriate time. Drop them off at piano lessons or sports practices as needed, making sure to pick them up again at the end of the lesson or practice.
• Make sure there is plenty of gas in the car.
  
• Attend all recitals or games.
• Assist with homework as needed.
• Prepare a delicious, nutritious dinner that is hot on the table just as your husband gets home from work.
• Clean up the kitchen after dinner.
  
• Ensure that there is neat, clean clothing to be worn each day.
• Keep furniture dusted, bathrooms cleaned, and floors vacuumed and mopped.
• Serve as counselor and cheerleader to your kids who need a listening ear and encouragement.
• Exercise. You have to be healthy to keep up with all of this!
  
• Effectively administer loving discipline as a means of instruction.
• Nurse illnesses and injuries that may arise (such as extracting a fish hook from a finger).
• Always know where everything is when asked.
• Shop for groceries, school supplies, clothing, and other items as the need arises.
• Maintain a balanced budget.
• Instruct your children, through word and through example, in what it means to be a fully devoted Christ follower.
• Make sure your family regularly attends church.
• Encourage your husband, listen attentively to him, and support him. Make sure there is time for intimacy.
• Pray with your kids and tuck them into bed each night.

It's a pretty daunting list, isn't it? And you can probably think of more things to add. It's easy to look at this list and find areas where I sometimes fall short, or things I sometimes do halfheartedly. I'm not perfect. But as moms, these really are the things we do every single day of our lives. It's not an easy task, but I believe it is one God has uniquely gifted us to do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't get discouraged. Applaud yourself for all you do. And as our guest worship leader suggested this weekend, realize that these things you do are not what define you. You are a child of God; that is what defines you!

So... go eat a bowl of Chocolate Moose Tracks. You've earned it!

Open to His Teaching

This past week has reminded me how God uses various circumstances in our lives to teach us. Mold us. Refine us. It's not an easy process, but if we are open to what He is trying to teach us, we can grow into the people He desires for us to be.

Today was the second day of our Ladies' Day events at Youth Haven in Michigan. I was originally planning to lead worship for all three days, but God had other plans. I came down with a cold that attacked my singing voice, so at the last minute we asked our keyboard player if he could lead. He graciously agreed - thank goodness!

Wednesday evening the worship team gathered to rehearse, and I attempted to sing. I don't think I could even call it a joyful noise, because hardly any sound even came out of my mouth. I was frustrated, to say the least. My husband thought it would be good for me to be up on stage anyway, but I really struggled with that.

I understand that worship is not about the quality of sound I can produce when I sing. God looks at my heart, and I can worship Him without ever singing a note. I know that very well. I could have very easily stood down in the audience, closed my eyes and lifted my hands, and worshiped as the music was offered to Him. But it was hard for me to stand up there and pretend like I was singing. I questioned why I was up there at all. I certainly didn't want the attention focused on me.

Our speaker, Donna Partow, grabbed my hands and prayed for me. She prayed for healing and that Satan would not be victorious. She prayed that our ministry to the ladies at Youth Haven would not be hindered.

The next morning, day one of Ladies' Day, I awoke feeling even worse. My husband thought it would be better for me to stay home, so I did. And I wondered if I was not healed because I didn't have enough faith.

Then it dawned on me that perhaps Satan's victory came not in the illness itself, but in my response to it. Do I get discouraged and doubt my faith because something doesn't go as I think it should, or do I acknowledge that God's purpose is greater than mine? Maybe He wanted to use me in a different way this year.

At that moment I knew I was supposed to pray. If I couldn't lead the ladies in worship, I would at least pray for them to encounter God at Youth Haven.

I had heard Donna speak at our Ladies' Day events in Arizona, but when I heard her again today I knew that my experience yesterday was God's hand at work. She made the statement that when God wants to intervene in someone's life, He looks for someone who will intercede on their behalf. I don't know which lady needed someone to intercede for her yesterday, but I believe that God used me in someone's life.

I am grateful that God uses my voice to bring glory to Him when I lead worship. But I am also grateful to have learned that He can use me in other ways, too.

Mother's Day Treasures

Today at school, mothers of third graders were invited to each lunch with their kids. After we were done eating, the students took us back to the classroom and presented us with gifts. They were mostly hand written cards with artwork on them, along with a bag of lavender bath salts. Here are some of the notes Stefan had written to me:

"I love you and you're buetifull. You're the best mom in the world. When you die, I will take great care of your stuff. I hope you don't die for a long long time."

"You are one of the best moms I know. I love you. Happy Mother's Day. I am excited for homeschooling espesily because you will be my teacher. Thank you for letting me get a fish."

"If my mom were a flower, she would be a tiger lily because she is beutiful.

If my mom were a song, she would be Hosanna because she sings it at our church.

If my mom were a super hero, she would be super mom because she is the best mom in the world.

If my mom were candy, she would be sweet tarts because she is sweet and fun.

If my mom were a car, she would be a Mustang because she is cool.

If my mom were a color, she would be blue because she is mellow.

If my mom were an animal, she would be a kitty cat because she is girly.

If my mom were a TV show, she would be Making a Difference because she is a woman of God."

I love that last one. Thank you, Lord, that he sees that in me. Please help me to always make sure he does.

Parenting

Parenting can be tough.

For two days in a row, Lukas has cried in the morning, not wanting to go to school. It starts out the minute I wake him up, tears and excuses as to why he needs to stay home. "My throat hurts. My stomach hurts. I think I have a cold. My foot hurts. My arm hurts." Everything he can think of. He doesn't want to get dressed, so I have to help him along and make him get ready for school.

Yesterday, when my mother-in-law arrived to pick the boys up (she graciously drives them two days a week), he clung to me and wouldn't go out the front door. I had to carry him to the car and put him in his seat, then watch as they drove away, knowing he was crying.

This morning, he held onto me outside his classroom door, tears flowing. I am grateful for a wonderful first grade teacher who knew exactly how to handle the situation and coaxed him in with a conversation about the Detroit Tigers!

I have to be honest, this is a tough situation for me. I struggle with when to be sympathetic and when to be a disciplinarian. He hasn't been having problems at school, it's simply that he doesn't want to be separated from me. Half of me wants to cuddle him and half of me finds it frustrating and irritating. Sometimes I feel like I really have no idea how to do this whole "Mom" thing.

I know there comes a point when he crosses the line to disobedience, and then he must be disciplined. That part doesn't come easily to me. I just have the hardest time doing something that I know hurts them, and let's face it, discipline hurts! If it didn't, it wouldn't work. Still, I know it has to be done for the betterment of my children, to shape them into adults who live lives of obedience to God.

As I was thinking about this situation this morning, I realized that God must feel the same way about me. I am created in His image, so if I feel this way about my kids, it must be a reflection of how He feels about His children. The difference, of course, is that I am human and I fail. He is God, and He will never fail one of His children.

When I think about how much I love my boys, I am amazed that God could love me that much - and more! He doesn't want to cause pain and suffering, but sometimes that's what is required to get our attention or bring us to fully surrender to Him.

"If she would just obey, I wouldn't have to do this." I wonder how many times He has said that about me. Far too many, I'm sure.

Here in My Heart

Today is Stefan's birthday.

Nine years ago tonight I was holding my newborn in my arms, marveling at the miracle of new life and a love I never knew I could feel. I love both of my boys so much, and I am grateful that God has blessed me with both of them.

All day long I have been thinking about the words of the song I sang in church on his dedication day:

I don't want to kiss you goodnight
So I'll just keep on holding you tight
'Cause baby, I know
You'll change and you'll grow
You'll get bigger with each morning light
I know that the sky's full of stars
And dreams call your name from afar
I'm anxious to see
All that you're gonna be
But I'm sure gonna miss who you are
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll go
And I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
Each tooth that you gain or you lose
And each time you need bigger shoes
Each step that you take
Will be further away
But to stop you is not what I choose
These fingers that curl 'round my hand
Will do things that no others can
I know you're not mine
But God's own design
And I want you to follow His plan
But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll go
And I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

I am grateful to see the way Stefan is growing and developing. He is an amazing kid who loves God with all his heart and always wants to help people. I love being able to sit down and have a conversation with him. He is such a bright boy, gifted in music and so much like his dad when it comes to his ability to grasp technology. His favorite subject in school is science, and someday he hopes to be a pilot.

I want so much for him to be happy. There is still a part of me that misses my little boy, but I will always have that little one in my heart. Since I can't keep him little forever, I pray that he will become a great man of God. I am proud of my son.

Homecoming

It was an emotional homecoming. I knew it would be when Lars and I drove up to the house and I saw the ramp for the first time.

It is beautiful, made out of boards with a natural finish, and it has railings along both sides. It leads up to the front porch of their house, constructed with love by two men from my dad and mom's church in Hartland. They even rounded the edges on the top of the handrail so that if my dad ever has to reach up to grab it, his hand will grip a smooth surface.

It is also a reminder of what my dad has been through. He came into the house for the first time since his surgery and looked out the big window in the front of their house. "I never thought I'd see something like that at my own house," he said. But the tears only glistened for a moment as he added, "unless it was for your mom."

This whole experience has been a whirlwind of emotions - ups and downs and in-betweens. When he left the house before the surgery, he honestly wasn't sure if he'd be coming back. Now he's laughing, listening to his music again, and giving the boys turns with the wheelchair.

One thing that has really made an impression on me through all of this is the acknowledgement that God is good all the time. It's easy for me to look at my dad now and say God is good because my dad came through this okay and is doing well. How would I feel if the outcome had been different? Would I be willing to say God is good if my dad hadn't come home?

Tonight as we had dinner together, my dad told me about a young girl who was on the rehab floor with him who had been in a terrible car accident because a drunk driver hit her. She is learning how to walk again and is working so hard to build her upper body strength. He said one day she was working on one of the machines and looked over at him with tears in her eyes. "Why do I have to do this?" she asked.

I think that is a question a lot of us ask when trials come our way. My dad has served God his whole life. I don't understand why he has had to endure so many physical troubles. Sadly, sometimes there is no logical explanation. We simply live in a fallen world, and bad things happen as a result.

I don't think God gets angry with us for asking why. I think He wants so much to comfort us and assure us that He does have a good and perfect plan. Even when we can't see it. We just have to trust that He is good. All the time.

I am praising God that my dad is doing so well. I'm sure there will be other moments when emotions will overwhelm him. But he holds onto the goodness of God. It has carried him through this difficult time, and it will carry him through whatever hard times may come.

Inspiration

Spring Break arrived with 5-6 inches of snow yesterday morning. After breakfast, the boys and I got out all the snow gear and went out to build an Easter snowbunny.

I confess, we stole the idea from an old picture I found of my mom and Aunt Melba when they were little girls. Well, maybe "stole" isn't the right way to put it. Let's say we were inspired.

My mom went through my grandma's photo album after she passed away in 2005 and scanned in several of the old photos, then gave copies of them to all of her kids. I was looking at all of them not long ago, and then my cousin Heather shared several other old photos with us in honor of my grandpa's 90th birthday.

It's so amazing to look at those pictures of my family members and think of all the stories that are represented there. Memories - some of which have been shared with me and a lot that haven't.

I have been especially intrigued by the photos of my mom and dad when they were younger - pictures of them laughing, holding hands, and having fun together. It makes me sad to realize how hard life has become for them the past several months.

I have learned a lot watching my parents go through these things, but one thing that has really made an impression on me is the incredible attitude they both have. Sometimes, bad things happen. It's a part of life, as hard as it is to accept that. But my mom's motto has always been, "You do what you have to do. After all, God won't let anything happen to you that He won't also give you the strength to handle."

Becoming bitter or angry at God has never been an option for them. In light of the sacrifice Christ made for us, we are required to do so very little. So they are relying on God and trusting that He will use this experience in their lives for His glory.

I am grateful for the amazing godly example my parents are to me, and I pray that I will be that kind of example for my kids, too. My mom and dad inspire me to so many things... even the little things like taking the time to build a snowbunny with my boys.

Life is Precious

Today is my mom's birthday, so I baked a cake and we took it to the hospital after picking Stefan and Lukas up from school. My mom and dad were both so happy to see the boys (and I think they were happy to see Lars and me, too).

My dad is just amazing all of his doctors with his attitude and how quickly he is recovering. He is already off the morphine and had only taken one dose of Vicodin by the time we left the hospital at 7:00. This was a real relief for me, because he was in so much pain last night. I am grateful for the relief from pain he is experiencing now.

There is a man who came to visit him before the surgery who had his right leg amputated below the knee nine years ago. He has been a real encouragement to my dad, just helping him to realize that he will be able to live a very normal life once he gets through the recovery and rehabilitation. He said every person's situation is unique, but he was able to give my dad a good idea of what to expect.

He came in to check up on my dad while we were there, and what a great guy! He showed our boys his prosthetic leg and even took it off for them so they could see what their grandpa's leg will look like. They thought it was totally cool.

He said my dad is the 172nd person he has seen, and he was so pleased to see how well my dad was doing. He also said the people who make those visits only see about half of the patients who are having limbs amputated, because some of them are so distraught they refuse to talk to anyone about it. We thought that was so sad, because he was able to help my dad so much. Who knows, maybe that will become a new area of ministry for my dad, too!

All of this has made me realize how precious life is. My dad has gone through a lot of physical struggles, but praise God he is still here with us. I am grateful for every day God gives me with each one of the people I love.

God is Good

Tonight we are praising God for a successful surgery.

My dad was scheduled for surgery at 1:30, but they moved it back to 3:30 due to some emergency surgeries that were tying up the Operating Room. As a result, the family had a chance to spend some extra time with him beforehand. He was in good spirits, just anxious to get the surgery over with and begin the healing process.

The surgery took about an hour and a half, and they were able to save my dad's knee in its entirety. They amputated just below the knee, and the doctor said no sign of infection remains. The circulation is good in that part of his leg, so the doctor feels that it should heal well and this should be the last surgery he needs in that leg. We pray that he is right!

As soon as we were able to see him after the surgery, he was already cracking jokes and being - as my mom put it - "his normal, smart-alecky self." He was definitely in a lot of pain, but he is not getting discouraged and is determined to regain independence and mobility as quickly as possible.

I don't know what the next several weeks will have in store for all of us. Certainly it will be a big adjustment, and my dad will have a lot of physical and emotional challenges before him. He doesn't want to be a bother to anyone, and we keep telling him he isn't. He has said this is a very humbling experience.

I'm sure that the next several weeks will bring moments of triumph and accomplishment, along with moments of pain, frustration and discouragement. My dad will need to rely on us a lot, and it will be a privilege to help him in any way possible. My mom seems amazingly strong, but I know she needs emotional support and I'll be glad to help her care for my dad as much as I can. We all appreciate your prayers so much.

This morning, on our way to the hospital, I was praying as I thought about what was about to happen. I told God (although He already knows) how much I love my dad, and asked God to do what was best for him. And I was confident that He would. I'm grateful for a good report from the surgeon. But I would be praising Him tonight even if things had gone differently. Because God is good all the time, even when life is hard.

Latest Update on My Dad

Although we had originally thought my dad's surgery would be much sooner, the surgeon has decided to wait until Monday. It appears that the antibiotics are working on the infection and it is receding toward his foot. This is good news, because it means they will most likely be able to amputate below the knee.

I don't know what time on Monday the surgery will be. He will probably have dialysis in the morning, with the surgery following that. I've been spending as much time with him as I can, and I have been grateful for my ability to do that.

Please continue to pray for the surgery, as well as healing and that no infection would set in this time. Also, please pray for both the physical and emotional struggles my dad is sure to face as a result of the amputation. Right now, we really don't know what to expect but we know it won't be easy. And pray that God would be able to use my dad through all of this to bring glory to Him.

I also ask that you pray for my mom. Her role in all of this is not an easy one, either. She has a full-time job at Youth Haven and also needs to care for my dad.

I appreciate everyone's support, prayers and encouragement. We all do.

God's Hand at Work

My dad's surgery hasn't even taken place yet, and already I can see God's hand at work.

We have been amazed at the outpouring of love, support, and encouragement our entire family has received from so many different people. It is wonderful to know that my dad is covered in prayer, but it has also been a blessing to see just what kind of an impact my dad has had on the lives of others. People care about him because he has always cared about others. I think it means more to him now that he is retired and feels like he is unable to do the things he wants to do. It is good for him to see what a difference his life has made.

I also see God's hand at work in the lives of my kids. They have become prayer warriors through all of this. Not only do they pray for their grandpa, but they are asking everyone they know to pray, too. Today when I picked up the kids from school, another mom came and asked me about my dad because Lukas had asked her to pray. Then when we were on our way out to the car, Lukas said, "Guess what, Mom? I got more people to pray for Grandpa today." I love that they already understand the importance and power of prayer.

I spent some time with my dad and mom at the hospital today. He was not feeling very well and had a lot of pain in his foot, but I thought he was in pretty good spirits. The surgery will most likely be on Monday, because the doctors want to give the antibiotics more time to work. They know the leg below the knee is not able to be saved, but if the antibiotics do their job, they will not have to amputate above the knee. That would make it easier for him to learn to walk with a prosthesis.

Thanks for praying. We know God will be glorified through all of this.

Uncertain Future

The past two days have been tough.

Yesterday, my dad had a follow-up appointment with his surgeon to check the left foot, where three toes had been removed. He hadn't been feeling very well, but we certainly didn't expect him to receive the news the doctor gave him: a serious infection in the leg that would require amputation.

They admitted him to the hospital and started him on IV antibiotics right away. The leg below the knee will have to be amputated no matter what. If he responds well to the antibiotics, they will be able to save his knee and thigh. If not, they will have to amputate mid-thigh.

I think everyone's initial reaction was shock. This was totally unexpected. We knew there were problems with his foot, but not the leg.

For me, the shock was followed by sadness. I remember my dad as a healthy, active, athletic guy. He always played softball on the church leagues, golfed, coached Little League baseball and boys' basketball. It has been hard for him to accept the physical limitations already brought on by the diabetes and kidney failure. Now this. It's hard to see someone you love go through something like this. I just want everything to be all right. Only sometimes it's not.

And then the fear sets in. What if something goes wrong in the surgery? What if it doesn't heal and further infection sets in? There are so many what-if's that could drive me crazy with worry.

I am grateful that I serve a God who shakes me out of my what-if moments. Last night as I prayed for a successful surgery and healing, I felt this urging: Why aren't you praying for a miracle? And then I was reminded that the God I serve is the same God who raised Christ from the dead! He absolutely has the power to completely heal my dad.

I don't know what His plan is through all of this. So now I pray for a miracle, but I acknowledge God's sovereignty and praise Him no matter the outcome. This is my prayer:

"Father, I know you have the power to reach Your unseen hand down, touch my dad's leg and heal it. That is what I ask of You, so that Your servant might be rewarded and the people who see his healing would know You are a great God. Then we will glorify you for your power and goodness. And we will glorify You for your power and goodness no matter what You choose to do in his life."

The future is uncertain right now. There may be a long road ahead. I choose to see the good in this. I will enjoy spending more time with my dad, and I hope he won't feel like he is a burden to those of us who are helping him. It's the least I can do for all he's done for me.

Thanks for your prayers. I'll keep you updated.

90 Years!

Today my family (on my mom's side) all got together to celebrate my Grandpa Alberts' 90th birthday. My mom has three sisters and a brother, so there are quite a few of us! There are four generations now, and my grandpa has 10 great-grandchildren.

We had a great time looking at old pictures and listening to my grandpa, mom, aunts, and uncle tell the stories behind them.

I would love to be able to go back in time and see my grandparents when they were younger. They were married in 1941, and my grandpa was a sergeant in the Army during World War II. There were so many pictures of them together where you can just see my grandpa looking at her with so much love in his eyes. My Aunt Nancy told me today that my great-grandmother was never kind to my grandma, but that my grandpa took good care of her.

My grandma passed away in 2005 after a long battle with dementia. She had been in a nursing home and didn't remember any of us. When I watched the movie The Notebook a couple of years ago, it reminded me of my grandparents. I thought it was a beautiful picture of a husband's love and commitment to his wife, even through those painful times when he was just a stranger to her.

I love my grandpa, and the more I learn about him, the more I love him. When I was looking for a gift for him, not sure what to get a 90-year-old man, I found a picture of him with our boys two years ago at Christmas. Then I found a frame that had the word "Generations" engraved across the top, with this verse down the side:

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations" (Psalm 100:5).

When I looked at my family that was gathered there today, I could see evidence of God's love and faithfulness through the generations. My uncle is a kidney transplant survivor. My aunt is a cancer survivor, as is my grandpa himself. My cousin didn't think she would be able to have children, but God blessed her and her husband with two.

Most importantly, God's faithfulness to my grandpa is evident in the fact that his children and grandchildren know and love the Lord. I am grateful for grandparents on both sides of my family who loved God with all their hearts and made sure He was first in their homes. Their faith has indeed been passed down from generation to generation, and I am the woman I am today because of it.

My grandpa has seen a lot of change in 90 years' time. But God's love and faithfulness have never changed. And they never will!

God vs. Science

Here is a little thought to ponder.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with a mild heart murmur. No big deal, lots of people have it, but unfortunately no one ever told me what symptoms might accompany it. So after fretting about it (those of you who know me know I am a worrier!) I finally made an appointment with my cardiologist.

Monday, after assuring me that he feels everything is okay, he said he has actually seen a lot of similar cases recently. He said that these things seem to go in trends, although he isn't really sure why. Then he made this statement, and this is what I want you to ponder:

"Science can't explain everything."

It was pretty amazing for me to hear those words out of the mouth of a cardiologist - a trained medical professional who relies on science every day to save lives.

And this is what struck me: Science doesn't save lives. God does.

There is a lot science can't explain, because we serve an awesome God who is more powerful than the laws of science. After all, He is the one who put all those laws in place!

Praising Him

For anyone who faithfully checks my blog, I must apologize for the length of time since my last post. I promise to do better with more regular updates!

The past few weeks have been a flurry of activity - some good, some not so good. My dad had another surgery, this time to remove two more toes. The infection had worsened and was making him very ill, but thankfully the surgery went well and he seems to be doing better now. My mom and dad have both commented on what a perfect illustration this has been of Paul's teaching about the body and how even the smallest part affects the whole body. I am constantly amazed at their spirit through all of this, but I guess I shouldn't be. They have been examples to me of steadfast faith ever since I can remember. I am blessed to be their child.

Lars also had to take another trip to Arizona for two different special events that were taking place at Youth Haven in Picacho. He was gone for a week and a half, which is longer than he typically is away. While he was gone, I gained a new appreciation and sympathy for single moms and women whose husbands travel a lot. Getting the boys up and ready for school, making sure the dog is taken care of, getting myself ready to head out the door, driving them to school, and then heading to work each morning is quite a task when I'm doing it alone. Evenings and bedtime are just as difficult. We are a family that is used to doing things together, and it leaves a big hole when he is not here. All three of us have felt it. I am so grateful that God designed parenthood to be a partnership. He didn't intend for us to do this alone. He meant for us to help each other - just another example of how He wants what is best for His children.

Now, as someone who struggles with anxiety, I have to admit these past few weeks have not been a picnic for me. My dad's surgery time was 12:20 last Thursday - the exact time Lars' plane departed for Arizona. I offered up a lot of prayers that day, I assure you!

I have friends who have lost their parents. I'm not ready for that. I also sang at a funeral for a young man who was killed in a plane crash, on his way home to his wife after a business trip. So whenever my husband is in the air, I am anxious until I hear he has landed. And yet the book of Philippians tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything." So what am I to do with that?

Well, Paul goes on to say that in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving, we are to present our requests to God. With prayer and thanksgiving. So I praise Him in all things. Even when I am afraid I praise Him. I speak praise aloud, letting myself hear the words I am offering up to God. Then I ask Him for what my heart desires, but I find that when I am praising Him I am a lot less needy.

Finally, Paul says that if we do this, "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." To me, this means that even when something happens that I don't understand, I can have the peace of God because I know He has a plan and a purpose in all things. When I pray, God may not give the answer I'm hoping for, but He will always give me the strength I need to endure the hard times. My parents know this, and I am sure that's why they have remained steadfast through these physical difficulties.

So, just a word of encouragement to those who may be feeling anxious about something: it is possible to overcome. Start by praising Him and see what happens.

My God Is So Big

Do you remember this song...

My God is so BIG!
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God cannot do.

My God is so BIG!
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God cannot do.

The mountains are His,
The rivers are His,
The stars are His handiwork, too.

My God is so BIG!
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God cannot do.

I'm guessing that as you read the words you were also singing the tune in your head. It's a familiar song that a lot of us learned as kids - and if our kids are lucky, they've learned it in Sunday School, too.

That song popped into my mind on our way home from Arizona, driving across the country. We've seen the majesty of mountains - even hiked up part of one. (Although our friends in Colorado tell us they're not really mountains, they are a whole lot bigger than anything we see in Michigan!) We've looked down at the mighty Mississippi River from the top of the St. Louis Arch. And we've gazed at the stars... so many stars in a crystal clear sky that we don't see very often at home!

I think more than anything on this trip, I have been struck by the greatness of our God and His awesome power to create the beauty around us. I have especially appreciated the wide open spaces, relatively untouched by human construction, spanning the horizon until the red and purple mountains rise upward.

What is so amazing to me, though, is to look at all of that and realize the God who created it also created me exactly how He wanted me to be. I am His work of art just as much as the mountains, the rivers, and the stars. And He longs for an intimate relationship with me. He loved me enough to send His Son to die in my place.

I am so grateful for this opportunity to see just a glimpse of the splendor of my God. I now worship Him with a renewed sense of awe and gratitude.

Beyond Our Understanding

It has been a while since I have been able to update my blog, and a lot has happened over the past several days. When we arrived at Youth Haven in Arizona, we were busy with Board meetings, visiting with family who live in Tucson, and getting ready for Ladies' Days.

The two days of Ladies' Days went very well, and Donna Partow had some wonderful things to share with the ladies. She personally encouraged me to not be stuck in the church pew, but to get up and be a mighty warrior for Christ. That's all I'm going to say about her message, because I want everyone to come to Ladies' Day in Michigan to hear her for yourself! (The dates are May 14-16 - check out www.youthhaven.org for more information.)

The very next day, we received the tragic news that a fellow parent from Lansing Christian Schools had passed away unexpectedly. His son is in Stefan's class and his daughter is in Lukas' class. It shocked and saddened us, and we had a special time of prayer for the family. It reminded us that every moment we have with our loved ones is precious, and we shouldn't take a single one of those moments for granted.

It also opened up an opportunity for us to talk to the boys about death. This morning as we prayed for the family on the day of the funeral, we discussed the fact that God had taken him to heaven to be with Him. We talked about the fact that their friends' dad is not still alive, but he's not here on the earth with us anymore. His body has died, but his soul is with God in heaven. That's why we as Christians don't have to be as sad when someone dies. We are sad because we will miss them, but we know they are waiting for us in heaven and we will see them again someday.

We also talked about the fact that God sometimes works in ways we don't understand. Since our friend died from an electric shock, Stefan asked, "Why would God take him to heaven that way? It's painful." How do you answer a question like that? I explained that sometimes things happen that don't make sense to us, but God always has a purpose.

I listened to what I was telling them and realized I was comforting myself as well. This morning my dad had surgery to remove an infected toe on his left foot and also to do an arterial bypass in his left leg to improve circulation. I had prayed about the situation and had peace about his surgery today. But the past several months have been a hard journey for me.

I struggle with understanding why someone who has committed his life to serving God has to suffer like my dad has recently. This is his third major surgery in less than a year. He has been sick and his body weakened. It really doesn't seem fair. And yet, who am I to question God?

Often my problem is that I want to be able to do something, to make him better or at least help in some way. I put too much pressure on myself and forget to let God be God. Surrendering it all to Him and trusting Him to do what's best is hard for me because I don't want to see the people I love going through hard times.

And then I think about what Christ suffered for me. It grieves me to know that I was the cause of all the pain he went through. And now I know that I have no right to complain about the hardships we encounter here on earth. Sin is a terrible thing with terrible consequences. I am eternally grateful that Christ suffered and died so that we could receive the gift of life - a gift not one of us deserves.

Someday we will experience a heaven without sin, and therefore without pain, grief, or hardship. Our friend is living there now, rejoicing in the Savior. One of these days my dad will be there, and although I will miss him terribly I will be grateful that he will no longer have suffering in his body. I am looking forward to the day when we will all be there, and experience the glories of heaven. Mostly, I am looking forward to being forever with the God who loves me so much He sent His Son to die for me.

Grand Canyon

Yesterday we spent most of the day at the Grand Canyon. We said so many times, "pictures can't do it justice." What an amazing display of God's grandeur! We had fun walking around the South Rim, and the boys even participated in a "Junior Ranger" program. They filled out several pages of a booklet about the Grand Canyon and the wide variety of wildlife that exists there. They even had a little swearing in ceremony and earned certificates and badges.

As part of their Junior Ranger program, they had to attend a program by a park ranger. The one we chose described the geology of the Canyon and what makes it so unique. The ranger said that in most cases where a canyon was formed by shifting rocks, they all shifted at different times to make the landscape uneven. What is unique about the Grand Canyon is that it is flat - meaning all the rocks shifted at the same time.

Now, I started reading through the One Year Chronological Bible this month, so I recently read the account of creation. When I heard the park ranger describing this whole process, I was particularly struck by it. I thought of God saying, "Let the seas be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear," and the Canyon rising up in all of its majesty. What a sight that must have been!

I understand that time and erosion have played a part in the Canyon's shape as it is today. But sometimes I think we minimize God's power when we explain everything away in scientific terms. The bottom line is, no matter how He chose to form it, the Grand Canyon is a magnificent testament of how awesome God is.

Route 66

Last night we had hoped to make it to Amarillo, Texas, but as we realized we wouldn't get there until midnight we booked a hotel in a city called Clinton, Oklahoma. When we stopped for dinner, the McDonald's had a big map of Oklahoma. Just by chance I noticed that Clinton had an attraction called the "Oklahoma Route 66 Museum."

Turns out the museum was a block away from our hotel, so we decided to visit it this morning. Ever since we first started talking about the possibility of driving to Arizona, the boys have been excited about driving on the old Route 66. (Amazing how Disney can make kids interested in history with their movies like Cars, don't you think?)

We walked in and were greeted by two women who worked there and were thrilled to see our boys. I don't think they get a lot of visitors this time of year. Then we walked through the museum, which I thought was a treasure. Each room represented a decade of American history when Route 66 was the main road from Chicago to Los Angeles. There were vintage cars, gas pumps, a replica of a 50's diner, and all sorts of memorabilia from American culture. We thoroughly enjoyed our time there, and the boys found a few souvenirs to bring along with them. :-)

Both women who were working there commented on how well behaved our boys were. Later, one of them noticed Lars' Youth Haven sweatshirt and asked him about it. When he explained about what Youth Haven does for kids in need, she said, "I knew the minute I saw your family that you were believers." The two of them then proceeded to tell Lars about their church.

It was a total God thing for me - first, that we even found that place, but second, that we had a chance to meet those two women. I don't know what it was about our family that made the one woman aware that we are believers, but I am grateful that she saw Jesus in us. I hope everyone we encounter on this trip will, too.

Gateway Arch in St. Louis

Yesterday began the first day of our family trip to Arizona. This year we decided to drive out and stop along the way at a few scenic spots we thought the boys might enjoy. We arrived in St. Louis, Missouri, last night and let the boys go swimming in the hotel before bed. They haven't been swimming in an indoor pool since they took swimming lessons at the YMCA a couple of summers ago, so they thought it was great.

This morning we got up and went to visit the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. We took a tram ride all the way to the top of the Arch, 630 feet in the air. From inside, you can look down and see the city of St. Louis on one side and the Mississippi River on the other side. (Looking down on the Mississippi made me think of Huckleberry Finn!) The boys loved it, of course, and were amazed at how small everything looked from that height.

After we came back down, we went through a museum that told more about the Arch, but primarily focused on the westward expansion of the pioneers. The Arch is considered to be a symbol of the gateway to the west, a monument to Thomas Jefferson for the Louisiana Purchase that opened up the west to settlers. It was a very impressive museum. We saw a real covered wagon, buffalo, and several other animals and artifacts from back during those times. There was a replica of a room in a sod house - even a stagecoach that we stood in front of while a kind museum worker took our picture.

I have to say, while most of me says, "Thank goodness we don't have to live like that anymore!" a part of me wonders what it would have been like to live simply like that. I know they worked extremely hard; I don't mean simple in that regard. But here I am, driving across Oklahoma, typing my blog on a laptop while the boys watch a DVD in the back seat. I just wonder what it would have been like to live in the days when the simple things were all that mattered, and technology hadn't yet made life so fast-paced and demanding. Although, I must say I prefer these driving conditions to the stagecoach!

The rest of the day we've been on the road, making our way across the country and noticing the change in terrain (and temperature - it's now up to 44 degrees!). I wonder what the people must have thought who first made that journey westward. I wonder what it looked like before highways and big cities. I bet God's original design was a lot better than what man has come up with.

So far, the trip has gone amazingly well and the boys have done great. If anyone has struggled with anything, it has been me because I dread hotels. I am thankful for a husband who is understanding and a God who gives me strength. I don't want to make my kids afraid of things or deny them these kinds of opportunities. So I am praying for His peace for the next 3 nights!

Tomorrow we are going to try to visit one of the Route 66 Museums here in Oklahoma, since the boys have been fascinated with that (due to the movie Cars). Then we are heading to Flagstaff and plan to go see the Grand Canyon the next day. I'll try to keep you updated, which shouldn't be too difficult since I can type in the car (thanks, Lars).

True Beauty

I did it. I signed on the line and became an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay. I never, ever thought I would be a Mary Kay lady. In fact, when my friend first asked me to consider it, I thought there was no way I would ever do it. I am not an outgoing person by nature, so the thought of going to someone else's house and trying on makeup with a bunch of women I don't know is not at all appealing to me.

What I have enjoyed are the skincare classes and makeovers I have done for my family and friends. It's just plain fun to spend some time with other women I care about and do something "girlie" for a change! And it's in those moments that I am learning more about true beauty.

I hope none of my girlfriends will hate me for talking about them, but on Monday evening some of us got together for a makeover party. As I looked around the table, I saw such beautiful women - from the inside out.

First there was Shelle. She is always cheerful, always looking at the positive side of things. Her laugh is contagious, and she is so fun to be with. Shelle has an amazing heart and is absolutely fantastic with the Youth Haven kids. She left her warm, comfortable home in Arizona just before winter to follow God's calling to our Michigan Ranch. True beauty indeed.

Next to her was Heather, the encourager. She is always ready to offer a word, a hug, or whatever is needed to brighten someone's day. Her home is always open, and her heart even more so. Heather has a tenderness for people in need, and a willingness to do whatever she needs to in order to help. She, too, is a truly beautiful person.

Abi works at everything she does with all her heart, and I know it is because she does it for the Lord. She is committed to excellence and happy to do whatever is asked of her - a true servant. She has an incredible love for children that is evident in the way she tells me their stories. I have even seen it in brief interactions with my two boys. Again, true beauty.

Then there was Carrie. Carrie has a sweet, quiet spirit and an open heart to the Lord's leading. She is faithful, compassionate, and a terrific mentor for the teens who work with her in our kitchen. She patiently endures the heat of the summer and is committed to serving the children to the best of her ability. Carrie is an example of true beauty.

Joy is a sweetheart, bubbly and energetic. She relates to the girls she works with in a very special way and loves each one of them as if they were her own. Her eyes are always focused on the Lord, even through tough times, and she freely offers encouragement to others. Joy loves to worship, and I know God is pleased with His beautiful daughter.

Jen radiates God's love to those around her. Like Joy, she has a passion for worship. Jen is eager to help whenever she sees a need, and she has poured herself into so many children - mine included. Her love for the Lord and desire to show others the love of Christ are evident in everything she does. Yes, true beauty.

I haven't gotten to know Amanda quite as well as the others, but I see in her a strong desire to make her life matter in the lives of others. She has invested so much in the lives of the kids at Youth Haven, all while working on her college degree. She is a sweet young lady with a big heart, and a lot of fun to hang out with. And she is truly beautiful.

I look at each one of these ladies, and they are examples to me in so many ways. We had a lot of fun that evening, and everyone looked amazing at the end of our time together. But it wasn't the makeup that made them beautiful. It was their love for Christ that gave each one of them a beauty that no amount of cosmetics can produce. Maybe I'm not a good salesperson for saying so, but it's the truth!

No More Dirty Laundry

Yesterday morning we turned the Today Show on while we were getting ready for the day. I watched as they interviewed a doctor who was talking about the death of John Travolta's son. She was talking about seizure disorders, but she didn't personally know the family and wasn't there at the time of their son's death. She kept saying things like, "We can assume..." and "I would suppose..."

I wondered why our society is so obsessed with listening to the media talk about another family's tragedy like that - not reporting facts, just talking about it and making guesses as to what might have happened.

Then another segment came on, which was supposed to teach you how to get out of your car if it was suddenly, accidentally submerged in water. Only they began the segment by playing a frantic 911 call from a woman who experienced that very thing and couldn't get out. Then they told us that she had drowned, and I realized I had just listened to the last panicked moments of a woman's life.

Why? Why do people want to see and hear these things?

When I asked Lars that question, he played me this song by Don Henley:

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something, something I can use
People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry

Well, I could've been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear, give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em all around

We got the bubbleheaded bleach-blonde, comes on at 5
She can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet?
You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet
Get the widow on the set, we need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out what's going on
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone, keep your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
Love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry

We can do the innuendo, we can dance and sing
When it's said and done, we haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king, give us dirty laundry

Wow. Did he ever get that right!

Now listen to what the apostle Paul tells us to do in Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

What I saw and heard yesterday morning definitely did not fall into any of those categories. I hadn't really made a New Year's resolution yet, but I think Philippians 4:8 is a good one. Yes, that is my commitment for 2009. No more dirty laundry. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, I will think about those things.