"Why Am I Ugly?" - A Teenage Girl's Heartbreaking Question

Last week we had a group of teens at Youth Haven, and we gave them an opportunity to write down questions for our staff. Anything that was on their minds or in their hearts, they were offered a chance to ask anonymously on a blank sheet of paper, with the idea that our staff would address as many of these questions as possible during Friday's chapel session.

As I opened one carefully folded piece of paper and read the words, "Why am I ugly?" my eyes filled with tears. I wish I knew which girl had written those words so I could talk to her face to face. But I don't think she's alone in her question. So here is my response.

A few weeks ago I was watching LIVE! with Kelly and Michael. (Disclaimer: I don't usually watch that show, but the weather was such that I had to run on the treadmill instead of running outside. When I run on the treadmill I need a distraction, and I had seen the episode of Treehouse Masters that was on three times already, so there you have it.)

Anyway, Kelly Ripa was on vacation that particular day, so Michael had a guest co-host. Her name was Chrissy Teiger, and she is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. At the beginning of the show, Chrissy was telling Michael all about going to a Medieval Times dinner show, where she had been served a five-course meal while watching a reenactment of a medieval tournament. Then she told him that afterwards, she and some of her friends headed to Outback Steakhouse for a bloomin' onion.

I'm sure I won't get this 100% word-for-word, but as my memory serves me, the conversation from that point went pretty much like this:

Michael: "So, you ate a five-course meal, and then you went to Outback for a bloomin' onion?"
Chrissy: "Yes."
Michael: "And you're a swimsuit model."
Chrissy: "It's called Photoshop."

It certainly wasn't a news flash to me that what we see in magazines, television shows, movies, and advertisements isn't always real. Stories of Photoshopped models have been a hot topic for quite a while now, highlighting the fact that our society has set unrealistic and naturally unachievable standards of beauty for women. A few female celebrities have even claimed to be outraged by Photoshopped images of themselves surfacing. Chrissy seemed to think it was funny. I didn't.

Today's technology has provided new methods for creating this false idea of beauty, but the underlying philosophy here is nothing new. Take Barbie, for example. Barbie has been around for generations, and according to an article titled "Dying to be Barbie" (along with several other articles that make similar claims), "The ubiquitous Barbie doll is stated to be 5'9" tall and weigh 110 lbs -- about 35 lbs below a healthy weight for a woman of that height." The article also claims that, if a healthy woman were to change her body to have the proportions of Barbie, she "would have to grow two feet taller, extend [her] neck length by 3.2 inches, gain 5 inches in chest size, and lose 6 inches in waist circumference. No woman could ever hope to achieve such impossible dimensions, and yet young girls are shown that this is a body to emulate" (emphasis mine).

Besides having a humanly impossible body shape, Barbie also has facial characteristics unlike any real human being - including giant eyes and an oddly pointed chin. And while young girls are playing with Barbie and developing the idea that this is what beauty looks like, they are also being inundated with images of super models and celebrities who have achieved their "beauty" at the hands of a plastic surgeon or Photoshop artist.

We live in a society that promotes a distorted view of beauty. Why, then, should we be surprised when a troubled teenage girl, offered the opportunity to ask any questions that are weighing on her heart, writes down the words, "Why am I ugly?"

Reading this question absolutely broke my heart. I can only imagine how it broke God's heart.

Here's what every girl, teen, and woman needs to know: You are God's masterpiece, exquisitely beautiful, deliberately crafted, and valued beyond all measure.

The world may tell you that you are not beautiful. Not good enough. You don't measure up. Don't believe that lie.

Believe this instead.

You are a wonderful work of God.

 

Psalm 139:13-14: "For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

Did you catch that? What word is repeated here, in both adverb and adjective form? Wonderful. It's used in adverb form to describe how we were created. You were wonderfully made. Then it's repeated in adjective form to describe the works of God. If His works are wonderful, and you are one of His works, then you are nothing less than wonderful.

Shout it out: "I am a wonderful work of God!"

What's more, every fiber of your being was intimately designed by the hand of your Creator.

This verse says that God knit you together. An item that has been knit wasn't just thrown together at the last minute. Every detail - every loop, stitch, variation, or any other knitting term you can throw out there - is intricately put together. There is an endless variety of colors, patterns, designs, shapes, and sizes; no two projects are exactly alike. Yet the hands of the person who knit the items together have done so lovingly. Delicately. Painstakingly. With incredible planning and forethought.

That's how God knit you together. He didn't just snap His fingers, out you popped and He had to live with the result. He planned you, carefully and thoughtfully. And, piece by piece, He put you together to become the wonderful work of His hands.

 

But your physical body is just a tiny, microscopic part of the wonderful work He created when He crafted you.  

I Samuel 16:7:

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 

 

Proverbs 31:30:

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

 

God cares about every detail of your being - physical, emotional, and spiritual. He knows the number of hairs that are on your head (Luke 12:27). He keeps a record of your tears (Psalm 56:8). You are worth far more to him than the birds he feeds and the wildflowers he clothes in radiant beauty (Luke 12:24-28).

And what matters most to Him has nothing to do with how thin you are, the size of your nose, the color of your eyes, or whether your face is wrinkled or scarred. What matters most to Him is your heart. More than anything, He wants you to have a heart that loves Him, seeks to know Him more, and strives to follow His teaching. A heart that is fully devoted to Him and not easily swayed by the things the world considers important.

Eventually, all of us will become wrinkled old ladies with wispy white hair and dentures. Even that Photoshopped supermodel.

 

You know what? One of the most beautiful women I ever met was a wrinkled old lady with wispy white hair and dentures. My great-grandmother loved the Lord with all her heart. She taught me so much about Jesus. She was a faithful wife and a loving mother and grandmother. And she knew she had immeasurable worth because she was a child of God - carefully planned, artfully purposed, and intricately knit together by the hands of God.

If you look in the mirror and ask yourself the question, "Why am I ugly?" please stop. See that question for the lie that it is.

You are not ugly. You are God's wonderful work of art. You are worth far more than rubies. You are beautiful.