Toothpaste in the Sink

There's toothpaste in the sink.

This morning was the last of our big birthday parties with family, and the Carlson clan came over for brunch. I had thoroughly cleaned the bathroom two days ago, so I assumed it was still clean. Silly me. I have a 10-year-old boy and a soon-to-be-eight-year-old boy. Of course there is toothpaste in the sink.

I don't really know why I work so hard to make sure everything is spotless before the family comes over. I guess I don't want them to think our house is ever anything less than immaculate. The problem is, it rarely is immaculate. I honestly don't know if immaculate is possible when you have boys.

So why is it so hard for me to let people see what our life is really like? Even family. I don't want them to see the toothpaste in the sink, the crumbs on the counter, or the dirty handprints on the wall. When someone is in our home, I want it to be absolutely clean.

The other tendency I have is to try to do everything myself without asking for help. Typically, when someone arrives for a gathering to which I have invited her, I don't want her to do any of the work. Today, however, I decided to accept the offers of help from Lars' grandmother and mom. And do you know what? They enjoyed helping, I enjoyed chatting with them in the kitchen, and my burden was much lighter!

I think this is a problem for a lot of us in our spiritual lives, too. We go through life acting like we have it all together. We pretend there are no spots or stains. We don't want anyone to know we aren't perfectly clean all the time. We assume they will judge us or they won't like what they see. And we try to handle life all on our own.

As a result, I'm afraid we alienate ourselves from fellow believers who could pray for us and help hold us accountable for struggles we face in our lives. Friends who wouldn't judge, but offer support and encouragement, and help us grow in our walk with Christ. When we help each other in this way, we can lighten each other's loads by sharing part of the weight.

I am also afraid we give non-believers or new believers a false idea of what the Christian life is supposed to be like. If we present the idea that trusting in Christ makes your life stain-free, we are failing them in a big way. Choosing to follow Christ certainly doesn't mean smooth sailing for the rest of our lives! There will be struggles and difficulties, but God promises not to give us more than we can bear.

I believe he uses others to lift us up and support us through those hard times, if we will only humble ourselves enough to accept the help they are so willing to give. And they don't mind the toothpaste in the sink. They have some in theirs, too.

Happy Birthday, Stefan!

Ten years ago today, I gave birth to our first son.

When Stefan was born, I realized I had no idea how to be a mom. It's strange how you can spend your whole life waiting for something and still be completely unprepared when it actually happens.

I will never forget the first night we brought him home from the hospital, wondering, "What do we do now?" It's an overwhelming feeling to know this tiny being is 100% dependent upon you for everything - his very survival.

And so, for the first several weeks, I jumped at every cry. I periodically placed my hand on his back or his belly to make sure he was still breathing. If the pacifier fell on the floor, I sterilized it in boiling water. I timed his feedings, made sure no one touched him without washing their hands, and endured a lot of sleepless nights.

Then, something amazing happened. He lived! He grew! He was a happy, healthy baby boy! Not because I was the world's best mom, but because he was resting securely in the hands of his Heavenly Father.

It's still something I have to remind myself of on a daily basis as I surrender my kids to Him. As much as I love them and as hard as I may try, I can't protect them from everything. But I take comfort in knowing that there's no safer place for them to be than in the Father's hands.

A lot has changed in 10 years. The 7 pound, 15 ounce bundle of joy that entered our lives on April 21, 2000, is now almost as tall as I am. He is a kind, loving young man whom God has gifted in many ways, and I am so proud of him.

Each stage of childhood has brought newfound delight as well as challenges, and I am still learning and growing as a mother. I am so grateful for the privilege of raising my two boys, and the incredible blessing they both are to me!

Happy Birthday, Stefan. I love you!

The Things A Mother Will Do

Ah, the things a mother will do to make her kids happy.

Last night, I walked the length of our street and part of the adjoining street with a flashlight, looking for a special new camping tool Lukas thought had fallen out of his pocket while he was riding his bike. Naturally, he didn't notice it was no longer in his pocket until it was dark. And, naturally, we did not find it lying on either street. Turns out, he had come inside, taken it out of his pocket and set it down on a pile of laundry. He had completely forgotten he had done that, so when he reached into his pocket and it wasn't there... And that's why Mom ended up walking the street in the dark with a flashlight. I love my son.

Tomorrow, we are having a big birthday party for both boys. Their birthdays are a month apart, and we will be back in Arizona for Lukas' birthday, so we decided to celebrate both birthdays together with some of their friends from school. Including our boys, we will have 17 eight and ten year olds at the party! What was I thinking?

Thank goodness we are able to take them for a hayride and let them play outside at Youth Haven. Now I'm praying for good weather.

I know that a lot of times I do things I don't have to do. Sometimes I bring unnecessary stress upon myself in the process. And sometimes I do too much for them rather than teaching them how to do things for themselves. That's actually something I've really been working on lately - teaching them how to become functional adults is no easy task!

I heard this principle on the radio, and I think it's a good one: "I will not do for my child something he can do for himself, because when I do, I weaken him." I know I do an awful lot for my kids that they could do themselves. It's hard not to. On one hand, I like the fact that they are getting older and more independent. On the other hand, I still want them to need Mom just a little bit. But I don't want them to grow up depending on me for things that they should be learning to handle themselves. So I've been working on this concept.

And then my mom said to me, "It's good to teach your children to do things for themselves. And then there are times when you do those things for them, simply because you love them."

My mom is a wealth of wisdom. I guess, like all things in life, it's about balance. If you lean too far one way, you're bound to hit the ground hard. I'm glad to know I can help my kids gain independence and still do crazy things like searching the street with a flashlight and welcoming mass chaos at a birthday party. I can even do the simpler things from time to time, like pouring them a bowl of cereal or a glass of water. I do it because I love them, and they know it.

Give Away

Today the boys and I started "spring cleaning" in order to get ready for our move to Arizona. I have no idea how we're going to get everything done, but at least we've started.

I designated three different areas in the basement, AKA "toy zone." They are "Leave Here," "Take to Arizona," and "Give Away."

At first I thought about the idea of a yard sale, which would give them an opportunity to earn some cash for the things they don't play with anymore. I decided, instead, to teach them about giving to those in need.

I am convinced more than ever that it is our responsibility as believers and followers of Jesus Christ to reach out and help the poor and needy. God does not want us to sit back and count our blessings while we do nothing to share His love with people in crisis and need.

Being a part of the Youth Haven ministry has given us an opportunity to do just that - share God's love with children in need. But I don't want our kids to feel like that's enough. There are so many tremendous organizations that are also helping the broken, the hurting, and the destitute in the name of Jesus Christ. We are all on the same team!

We talked about the Lansing City Rescue Mission and the fact that there are kids there who don't have nice homes full of toys to play with. Some of them have even fled to the Rescue Mission with their moms because their homes became too dangerous for them to stay there.

So far, we've collected several stuffed animals and other toys that the boys want to give to children who don't have many toys of their own. I'm hoping the "Give Away" area is going to keep growing as we work on this project.

He Is Risen!

Jesus is alive!

On Friday we remembered the death of our Lord. The brutal beating that tore his skin to shreds and began to drain the lifeblood from his veins. The nails that pierced his hands and feet and held him to a cross that should have been mine. The twisted branches of thorns that were pressed onto his head, mocking his kingship.

When I think about the agony Christ endured for me, the heart-wrenching words, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" I am brought to my knees. I am in every way unworthy of his sacrifice. A sinner deserving only death. But a sinner saved by grace.

I wonder how Mary Magdalene must have felt in the garden that morning when she spoke to her risen Savior. She had seen him hanging on that cross, knew they had buried him in that tomb. And yet there he was, calling her name!

What joy! What celebration! Jesus is alive!

The fact that Jesus rose from the grave means everything he promised is true. He is victorious! He has conquered death! Because he lives, I now have the promise of an eternity with him in heaven someday.

Jesus loved me enough to die for me. But if that was all he did, it would have been nothing more than a tragedy.

He did something no one else has ever done. He rose from the grave! He set me free from the bondage of sin and shame. He made a way for me to approach the Throne of Grace and enter into a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father.

This is why I celebrate Easter. He is risen! He is risen, indeed!

A Great Gift

Yesterday was Lars' birthday, and we celebrated by picking up the RV we just bought! It was exciting for the whole family.

I'm not even sure he knows how much this means to me. Sure, it will be fun, and a lot easier than tent camping. But it represents a lot more than that. It really speaks to my husband's commitment to Christ and to our family.

We actually purchased the RV because we will be traveling between our Youth Haven campuses in Michigan and Arizona quite a few times over the next couple of years. I am so proud of Lars for being willing to follow God's call and invest his many gifts in the ministry in Arizona. I appreciate his spiritual leadership of our family as we commit to doing what we believe is God's will. Lars is so talented, I know he could be doing a lot of different jobs and making a lot more money than he does. But I am grateful that his desire is to serve the Lord and live his life for something that matters.

Still, when Lars and I started talking about the idea of spending the next year in Arizona, I was dreading the idea of going back and forth. But since my dad is on dialysis and can't travel to visit us, it is important to us to make sure we will be coming back to Michigan to see him and my mom throughout the year.

Now, a lot of people travel frequently and have no problems with it. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I hate commercial flying. I am not afraid of flying itself, I just hate being in an enclosed space with people I don't know. It makes me terribly uncomfortable.

The primary reason for this is my fear of germs. Which is why I also hate hotels. The thought of sleeping in a bed someone else slept in the night before, and someone else the night before that, and so on... let's just say I'm not a big fan. I know that Lars can't relate to these weird phobias I have, but he never ridicules me or gets upset. He helps me focus my mind away from the worries. He is always very supportive and encouraging, and he does his best to understand. I know the purchase of the RV is an act of love for me, to help make the traveling easier on me.

I also know that he wants to form great memories for our boys. We have a lot of volunteers who come to the Ranch to help with various projects around the grounds. Some of them have really nice RV's that they live in for a good portion of the year.

One evening, after spending some time with the volunteers, Lars said to me, "I don't want to wait until our kids are grown and gone. I want to be able to do those things now, when they're still with us and we can have fun together." Since we home school, the RV will allow us to explore our National Parks and other treasures as a family. We'll be able to do things together that our kids will never forget. I am so thankful that my husband makes his family a priority. That he wants to spend time with us and do things together.

I have loved Lars since I was 16 years old. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I thank God every day for giving him to me!