The Change Zone

He called my cell phone and I didn't pick up. I don't know why he called that number instead of our home phone, but he did. And I'm grateful. Grateful because three days later God took him to heaven. Now, nine months after I lost my dad, I have the sound of his voice saved on my phone, telling me he loves me. I did call him back, and we had a wonderful conversation. But I'm so glad I didn't answer my cell phone.

There are reminders of my dad everywhere. A month ago we left for our family vacation: a camping trip Up North. Higgins Lake, Hartwick Pines, the Call of the Wild Museum in Gaylord, the Straits State Park in St. Ignace... and I was flooded with memories of camping with my dad. Hauling stumps out of the woods so we could have the biggest, hottest campfire in the campground. Standing on the shore of Lake Huron, waiting for the Mackinac Bridge to light up. Watching the sawmill demonstration at Historic Mill Creek. And, yes, a little bit of rain.

Two weekends ago, I sat in Spartan Stadium with tears in my eyes as the Spartan Marching Band high-stepped their way onto the field.

And last weekend, I sat in the pew at church while our pastor spoke words that reminded me of my dad. Words that brought more understanding. More healing.

If you have the time, I encourage you to watch this video of the message:

2013-09-08 "Lord, Change Me" Message from TrinityWired Productions on Vimeo.

One of the things I have struggled with since my dad's death is the question of why. Not necessarily why God chose to take him home, but more of why he had to endure so much here on this earth. My dad was one of the most godly men I have ever known. He loved and served God with all his heart. I guess, in a way, I felt like God should have rewarded him more.

And then I heard our pastor talking about this "Change Zone" in which we live. This present life, in which our will, purposes, and dreams are so often at odds with God's will, purposes, and dreams for our lives. Truth is, we can't change ourselves, no matter how hard we try. But God can.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." -Philippians 2:12-13

So, that voice mail message my dad left me? He was in the hospital, about a week and half after undergoing his second leg amputation. Diabetes had taken its toll. His kidneys had failed and he was on dialysis three times a week. But he was recovering well and feeling better than he had for a long time. And he said to me, "I never thought I'd be here. The Lord is doing a great work."

I know now that God used my dad's suffering to bring him to a place where his will, purposes, and dreams were perfectly aligned with God's. He had lost his ability to preach, to play the sports he enjoyed, and even to get up and walk across the room. His health was taken from him, and he could no longer go on the camping trips and vacations he loved. But he was closer to God than ever before. What greater reward could God have given him?

At the end of the church service, our pastor read this Scripture:

Revelation 7:9-11:
"After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:

'Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.'

All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God."

And through the words of our pastor, God painted this picture of my dad, standing in a white robe before the throne. He is not up in heaven focusing on how big his house was, how many people were in his congregation, or how much money he made. He's not demanding an explanation from God as to why he was required to endure the suffering he endured. He is worshiping God for the unspeakable gift of salvation. Because, when it was all said and done, that was the only thing that mattered. And as our pastor suggested, I can just envision him saying, "You did it, God! You brought me through the Change Zone. It was hard, and it was painful, but it was worth it."

So I drove home, feeling like God had taught me a lot. But He wasn't done yet. The very next morning, I found myself thinking about my dad again. Just wanting to tell him that I love him and will miss him until I'm in heaven with him someday.

That's when this question struck me: Is my longing to be with my earthly father stronger than my longing to be with my Heavenly Father?

I miss my dad because he was such an important part of my life. He was an incredible source of support and encouragement to me. He understood me, taught me by word and example, and spent hours interceding for me. He helped shape me into the person I am today. I just liked being with my dad.

Isn't my Heavenly Father all these things to me as well? I should eagerly look forward to every opportunity to spend time in His presence here on Earth. And I should be longing for the day when I will finally be home. When I will stand before His throne and all that will matter is that He saved me. 

Yes, right now I am definitely in the "Change Zone." I'm sure God has a pretty long list of things to change in me. I'm ready.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.