Love or Fear?

I didn't know her personally. She was just a friend of a friend, but when I read her story it broke my heart. Too soon by our way of thinking, she was taken from her husband and two beautiful, young daughters by cancer.

A few short weeks later, a childhood friend of Lars' discovered her five-year-old son in his bed, taken by the angels during the night. Again, my heart is broken for people I hardly know, but I can't even begin to imagine their pain.

I don't pretend to understand why these kinds of things happen, except that sin is a terrible thing, and we will pay the consequences of it until Jesus returns and claims the victory over it.

Quite honestly, these are two of my biggest fears: that something terrible would happen to one of my kids, or that one of their parents would be taken from them. Fear of loss and grief and being forced to find a way through when nothing will ever be normal again. The horrible reality these two families now face.

Fear is a terrible thing when it creeps in and takes hold. It is at once paralyzing and torturous. It holds you in its grasp, tormenting you with its taunts, its "what ifs," all the while knowing you are helpless to respond.

But you are not helpless.

I have been held down by the icy fingers of fear. And it wouldn't take long for my mind to wander back into its death grip again. In a recent Bible study, I heard Beth Moore make the statement that we have an enemy who desperately wants to take us right back to where we came from. He's not content just to push us back a few steps; he wants us to go all the way back. And I could. But I have someone stronger on my side, someone who will never let me go.

I guess if God has taught me anything about my fear, it is that fear is born when I choose not to trust in God's love and goodness. It springs to life when I look to myself as the answer to anything.

I cannot keep hardship away any more than I can fly to the sun. What I can do is fall on God and teach my children to do the same when those hardships come. Because they will come, as long as we are here on this sinful planet. But if I trust that God's love for us is perfect, then I can with confidence say that God will use everything that comes our way for His ultimate purpose. And by the nature of His character, that purpose can't be anything but good.

So many times I have wished for a greater understanding. It's hard to see His purpose when we are blinded by our pain. But I suppose if I had His understanding, I wouldn't need Him. So I muddle through this world full of pain and suffering, and I choose not to dwell on the fear that something bad - or even tragic - might touch my family. Instead, I will treasure every moment, steal another kiss, and love with all my might. Because a life of love is so much better than a life of fear.

Prayer for our Government

I subscribed to weekly e-mails from the Presidential Prayer Team when George W. Bush was in office. Each week, I receive an e-mail highlighting certain people in our government, as well as other political issues that need prayer.

Quite frankly, I haven't been very good about reading these e-mails since Obama took office. Most of them end up in my "Deleted Items" folder without ever being read - or prayed over.

So what made me open the e-mail and read it today? It must have been a prompting from God. He wanted to teach me something today. And here is what I read:

"I'm a Christian by choice. My family didn't -- frankly, they weren't folks who went to church every week. And my mother was one of the most spiritual people I knew, but she didn't raise me in the church. So I came to my Christian faith later in life, and it was because the precepts of Jesus Christ spoke to me in terms of the kind of life that I would want to lead -- being my brothers' and sisters' keeper, treating others as they would treat me. I think also understanding that Jesus Christ dying for my sins spoke to the humility we all have to have as human beings, that we're sinful and we're flawed and we make mistakes, and that we achieve salvation through the grace of God. But what we can do, as flawed as we are, is still see God in other people and do our best to help them find their own grace. That's what I strive to do. That's what I pray to do every day. I think my public service is part of that effort to express my Christian faith." -- President Barack Obama, September 27, 2010

Now, this doesn't prove that Obama is Christ follower. Many people claim to be Christians without really knowing what it means to have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

However, this statement hit me right between the eyes. Because I have been quick to find fault with our President. I haven't had a lot of good to say about him. And what God revealed to me as I read this was that President Obama does not need my judgment; he needs my prayers.

And although I don't agree with many of his policies for our government, I have no right to judge his motives or his heart. Only God is holy enough for that task.

I'm so glad I opened that e-mail and read it today. Right now I am making a commitment to stop complaining about what's going on in our national and state governments and start praying instead. If you're a believer, I hope you'll join me.

E-mails from my Kids

Today the boys discovered that they can use the Wii to send e-mails to people we have approved as "friends." So far, my e-mail address is the only one on the list. Here are the three messages I've gotten today:

"I love you mom! this note is from Stefan, but Lukas agrees to. Can you please get me a glass of water? thanks for making the wii a friend and you can send E-mails to it too you know. Stefan"

That one made me laugh. Then I got this one:

"IIIIIIIIIIIIII LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE YYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

That one was from Lukas, who then asked me if I figured out what it said. I'm loving the "I Love You's" and made sure to respond with an "I love you, too" for each of them.

And, finally:

"can I have a cell phone? because i
really really want one. Stefan
p.s.lukas does not agree. he does not
want a cell phone."

At which point, Lukas told me the p.s. was a lie. I have a feeling the next several years are going to get very interesting.