Good Gifts

A scene from the movie The Polar Express keeps coming to my mind today.

Billy has been invited to board the train because his faith in Santa Claus is waning. Year after year, he’s been disappointed when his Christmas morning expectations haven’t been met with toys under his Christmas tree. “Christmas just… doesn’t really work out for me,” he has said.

So when he discovers a gift in Santa’s workshop that has his name and address on it, he grabs it and holds on tightly. The only problem is, the gift has to be left in Santa’s bag so Santa can deliver it. You can see the agonizing dilemma on the child’s face when the elf leans in and says, “It’s in good hands. Trust me.” In the end, trust wins. Billy lets go of the gift and trusts Santa with it. By the time he arrives home, the gift is already waiting for him on his front porch.

Now, I’m certainly not suggesting we should compare God to Santa Claus. He is most definitely not Santa Claus, monitoring whether we’ve been good or bad this year and then delivering our wish list if we make the grade.

But God is love. He does bless His children with good gifts. 

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17).

My husband is a good gift from a good Father. An amazing gift, actually. I have thanked Him over and over again for this incredible man and the love He has blessed us with.

So right now, I feel a little bit like Billy. I am clinging to that gift praying, “Please don’t take him away from me.” And in the back of my mind are my parents. They were good gifts, too, and I had to let them go. It’s so very, very hard to do.

The thing about gifts is, sometimes they come in forms we don’t expect. Sometimes they are wrapped in loss, in suffering, in pain. To be honest, in our limited human understanding, we don’t even know what a good gift really is.

Earlier in James 1, James says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

This goes against everything we think a good gift is. How can a trial be a good gift? Diabetes? ALS? Lymphoma? Good gifts?

Yes, if they cause us to become steadfast (Devoted. Firm in purpose, resolution, or faith). It’s not about ease and comfort in this life. It’s about developing a firm, unswerving faith that points people to Jesus. That’s what makes us “complete, lacking in nothing.” I saw this to be true for my parents. For all of us who walked the path of suffering with them. I know it will be true for us now.

So this morning during the worship service, as we sang the words, “I surrender all,” I opened my hands and relinquished my hold on the precious gift that is my husband. He’s in good hands. I trust my Father.  

Fear Not

It's midnight, and the house is quiet.

Everyone else is sleeping, but sleep eludes me. I know my boys are both asleep; I have peeked in on them to make sure. They may be 15 and 13 years old, but they will always be my babies.

And, tonight, this mama's heart is anxious.

I wonder what life will look like for us a month from now. Two months. Six months. A year.

What if the diagnosis is lymphoma like the doctors suspect? Lymphoma is cancer.

How will the treatments affect him? Will I be able to take care of my husband and still be the mom my boys need?

How will they respond? Will they blame God? Become angry with him? More than anything, that is what I fear right now.

Then I remember the nativity set on our end table.

We just bought it this year, on a date to Frankenmuth when we visited Bronner's. Lars wasn't happy with most of the nativity sets we found. Mary and Joseph were too ornate. "They didn't look like that," he said. Mary's shawl wouldn't have been trimmed in gold. Their robes wouldn't have been fancy. They were simple, humble people.

So we chose this one. My favorite thing about it? The verse printed on the stable wall.

“And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not; for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For unto us is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord'" (Luke 2:10-11).

When you really stop and think about the truth the angels spoke to the shepherds, it is overwhelming. God became man and lived among us. Broken, unlovely people lost in sin. Our own choices separated us from His holiness. We could never hope to restore our relationship with Him. So He came down to us.

He is so much more than a baby in a manger. He is our redemption. He took our sin upon himself and paid the price we should have paid. His blood covers us; makes possible the restoration we could not earn on our own.

And He didn't stay in the grave! He conquered death! He won the victory that gives us the promise of Heaven.

If He could do all that, why do I think He can't handle this? The diagnosis, the treatment, the outcome... our boys' hearts, their faith, and how they respond to this trial... It's all in His hands.

"Fear not." I may not pack the nativity set up with the rest of the Christmas decorations. Maybe I'll leave it there as a reminder.

A New Journey...

Family and friends, we are asking for your prayers right now, as Lars is facing a possible lymphoma diagnosis. Whatever happens, we are looking at this as an opportunity to lean into God's goodness, grace, and strength. We are trusting Him fully in this. Thank you so much for praying! Below are more details. You can also follow this journey with us at Lars' blog: http://larscarlson.blogspot.com

A couple of months ago, Lars noticed a lump at the base of his throat while shaving. His doctor sent him to an Ear, Nose & Throat specialist at MSU, who ordered an ultrasound. That showed five thyroid nodules, spread across both sides of his thyroid. They ordered needle biopsies of the largest ones, two of which came back "inconclusive." A second needle biopsy was done of the largest lump, which came back inconclusive for the second time. They were not seeing thyroid cells, but lymph cells which aroused suspicion for lymphoma.

On December 30, he had an open biopsy at Sparrow to take a larger sample of that large lump. While he was still under, they sent the sample to pathology to make sure it was not thyroid cancer and the entire thyroid did not need to be removed. The initial report showed that he does not have thyroid cancer or thyroiditis. In fact, it confirmed what the two needle biopsies had showed, that it is not thyroid related at all, but what they are terming "atypical lymphocytic proliferation" - basically a cluster of lymph cells. Having ruled out thyroiditis and infection, the doctor who did the surgery does believe it is some type of lymphoma.

There are still several tests they need to run on the biopsied tissue before we will have an official diagnosis. He said it would probably be 5-7 days but he will call us as soon as he knows. Once we have a definitive diagnosis, he can refer Lars to the University of Michigan Health System for treatment.

The doctor believes it is in the very early stages and highly treatable. There is also a small possibility that the pathology reports will show it is simply a cluster of cells that is not malignant. That, of course, is our prayer.

Whatever the diagnosis and course of treatment, we know God is in control and we trust Him completely!

We will be sure to keep you informed as we learn more. We would appreciate your prayers!