A New Conviction

I used to think my fears were pretty specific. That I wasn't really a fearful person, I just struggled with one primary fear in particular: that something bad would happen to my kids. Even in my prayer life, I have told God, "I don't care what happens to me, I just don't want my kids to have to go through something devastating in their lives."

This morning, God revealed to me that I have been fooling myself. Truly, I am a fearful person. And it gets in the way of love.

We live in a beautiful neighborhood and have friendly conversations with the people who live next door to us on either side, as well as one house over. Our kids (and dogs) play together, and we're enjoying getting to know each other better. It's a great place to be.

But there is a lady who lives behind us that no one knows very well. She lives alone and keeps to herself, never engaging anyone in conversation when she does occasionally venture out into her yard. We don't even know her name.

I've always assumed she is unfriendly. I've passed judgment without even attempting to find out the truth. Why haven't I approached her and extended my hand in friendship?

Yesterday, we were sitting in our back yard enjoying the gorgeous weather God blessed us with this weekend. Our kids had been playing with the neighbor kids, and we had been talking to one of our neighbors about having a backyard barbecue together. Then the lady behind us came out, never looking in our direction, just fiddling with her flower garden.

"We should invite her," Lars said. "The next time she comes out, I'm going to engage her in conversation."

"I wish I was more outgoing," I responded.

"What do you mean?" Lukas asked.

"Well, I could bake her a cake and take it over to her and introduce myself. But I'm too chicken to do that. What if she says she doesn't eat cake?"

"No one would say that!" Lukas said. "You could just wrap it up, put a note on it with your name, set it on her porch, ring the doorbell, and run!"

We all laughed. But God convicted me of that this morning. Of allowing fear to keep me from reaching out to this woman in Jesus' love. Shame on me for letting fear rule my life in this way and not even acknowledging that I'm doing it.

Jesus wouldn't have been afraid that she would say, "Go away. I don't eat cake." What difference does it make to me if she does say that, anyway? Her response is not my responsibility. Relentlessly showing her the kindness of Jesus Christ is. And who knows, maybe she has been longing for someone to reach out to her all this time.

So, here it is: I am resolving to bake her something - cake, bread, muffins, I haven't decided yet - and take it to her by the end of this week. I have no idea how she'll respond, and truthfully I am completely freaked out by the idea. But I refuse to let fear dominate my life and keep me from showing others the love of Jesus.

Now I've committed to it publicly, so I have to do it. I'll let you know what happens after I do. In the meantime, I'll be praying for courage, for God to give me words, and for the woman I have watched for the past 4 years and never been brave enough to approach. I don't know what God has in mind, but I feel His prompting to do this. So I am looking my fear in the face and defying it. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

Be Strong and Courageous

There are times when I feel the icy fingers of fear and realize the hand on my shoulder is not one I want lingering there.

It is not a friendly hand, but if I let it, it will grow far too comfortable. It will tighten its grip and begin to steer me in directions I don't want to go.

Fear is an enemy I have fought my entire life. I first wrestled with it as a child, when dreams haunted me and drove me to my parents' bedside in the middle of the night, hoping my dad could make it go away.

Now that I am an adult, I still fight the same enemy. I am still driven to my Father's side, knowing only He can take the burden from me.

I believe we have victory over the enemy through the blood of Jesus Christ. I have personally been delivered from my fears many times through prayer and Word of God.

In this life, however, these are but small battles won in the epic war between Divine Good and relentless evil. He has seen me safely through the attack. I have lived to fight another day.

I know what the ultimate outcome will be. I will be counted among those worshiping at Jesus' feet when he has finally crushed the enemy's head.

But for now, there is a hand on my shoulder that needs to be dealt with. I can't simply brush it aside, for it is too heavy. Only God can lift it as I cry out to Him. It is a battle I cannot fight alone. How thankful I am that I don't have to!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9