Resolutions

Happy New Year!

As I was tucking the boys into bed at about 12:30 a.m. on New Year's morning, Stefan hit me with this question: "So, Mom, what are you going to do to make yourself a better person this year?"

Although I admittedly have lots of areas to work on, I knew he wasn't suggesting I am a bad person in need of improvement. He had been hearing about New Year's resolutions, and he was just curious what mine was.

It's interesting how kids can make you think about things. I've never really liked the idea of New Year's resolutions, quite frankly. I've made them in the past, and by February 1, I've usually failed already. It's inevitable, I guess. Setting lofty goals can either be a huge motivator, or a discouraging reminder of one's shortcomings.

It's not the idea of setting goals that I don't like. And perhaps it isn't even the goals themselves that set me up for failure. It's the way I go about them. It's who I expect to live up to those expectations. Because when I rely on myself, I'll never make it. No matter how hard I try.

I would like to worry less and trust more this year. To gain better control over the fearful thoughts that sometimes take over. To trust God's plan for our lives and His ability to carry us through any difficult circumstances He brings our way.

I would also like to spend more time doing those things that are truly important in life, even if it means neglecting those things on which I sometimes place too high a priority. To choose to play Monopoly or Lego Rock Band for the Wii with my sons instead of busying myself cleaning something that will just be messy again in 5 minutes. My kids want me to play with them, not watch them out of the corner of my eye.

I would like to be slow to anger, abounding in love.

I want people to see Jesus in me.

These are much more than New Year's resolutions. I can't accomplish a single one of these tasks on my own. If I try, I will undoubtedly fail within the next 30 seconds.

So this year, I am asking God to change my heart. Because I can't make myself a better person. But He can. And I know that as I earnestly seek Him, He will.